I was elbow-deep in the entrails of Bloomberg terminals when the news hit-a 6% SPURT for AbbVie while the S&P crept like a junkie on a bad knee. Welcome to the circus, ladies and gentlemen. AbbVie (ABBV), that pharmaco-dinosaur, suddenly matters again. Why? Because Worcester, Massachusetts, is now the goddamn epicenter of biotech fever dreams-and Donald Trump’s tarantula-infested vision of American industry.
Shovel Hell
Picture this: Tuesday afternoon, concrete trucks roaring into AbbVie’s Bioresearch Center like they’re storming Normandy. $70 MILLION in play, baby. They’re slapping up a three-story monstrosity-warehouses for vials, labs for lab-coated acolytes, offices where suits whisper about “pipeline synergies.” All part of a $10 billion BINGE to prop up biologics, those fragile, six-figure-per-dose miracles. Dovetailing with Trump’s wet dream of “American muscle”? More like a junkie’s fantasy of self-sufficiency.
The COO, one Azita Saleki-Gerhardt, gabbles about their “track record” like it’s a fucking beauty pageant. DEVELOPING! MANUFACTURING! LAUNCHING! Next-gen biologics, she says. Translation: They’re betting the farm on drugs so complex they make Pfizer’s Zoloft look like aspirin.
Trump’s Tariff Tango
Then there’s the Trump-Pfizer gangbang. Albert Bourla, Pfizer’s ringmaster, cut a deal: lower drug prices for Medicaid (the poor bastards!) in exchange for tariff exemptions. A quid pro quo as old as the Republic, but with more screaming. AbbVie smells blood-or opportunity. If Pfizer can waltz past the tariff wolves, why not them? Two giants dancing around Washington’s flaming barrel organ, pretending regulation isn’t a guillotine hanging by a frayed wire.
The market’s reaction? A VEIN-BULGING laugh. Pricing pressures? Tariffs? Please. This is America, where pharma stocks rise like Lazarus on Red Bull because some politico in a silk suit whispers, “We’ll make it worth your while.” The S&P crawled 0.3%? Cute. In this asylum, 6% is the cost of entry.
And that’s the gospel according to the lunatic at the drugstore counter. 🚀
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2025-10-02 02:09