Alright, picture this: crypto’s charging into the week like it drank too much coffee. Bitcoin is out here flexing with “institutional interest” and “ETF demand”—like suddenly every hedge fund thinks they’re starring in *Wolf of Wall Street: Satoshi Edition*. Meanwhile, everyone’s pretending to understand “trading clarity.” (What’s that even mean? Don’t ask me. I’ve been looking for life clarity since ‘92.)
On Saturday, Bitcoin goes up to $104,900—almost an all-time high! Of course, it’s still 4% off, but who’s counting? Everyone. And why? Because Donald Trump had a meeting in Switzerland. Switzerland! I can’t even get my neighbor to return my rake, but Trump is brokering global trade while probably eating fondue.
He logs into Truth Social—his social site, not to be confused with, you know, facts—and says, “Many things discussed, much agreed to. Total reset. Friendly!” Everyone cheers, the markets go wild, and somewhere out there, a banker pours a little more champagne than usual. 🥂
Bitcoin rallies on a tweet. Not sure if I should laugh or check my retirement account—or both. 😂
By the time you’ve brushed your teeth on Sunday, Bitcoin’s still sitting pretty at $103,985.
But wait—altcoins aren’t just sitting on the sidelines, quietly knitting dog sweaters! No! Ethereum pops off (finally), and meme coins are back like your cousin who “just needs to sleep on the couch a few nights.”
| CRYPTOCURRENCY | PRICE | 24-HOUR GAINS +/- |
| Bitcoin | $103,985 | +0.7% |
| Ethereum (ETH) | $2,536.25 | +8.7% |
| Solana (SOL) | $176.76 | +3.7% |
| XRP (XRP) | $2.41 | +2.1% |
| Dogecoin (DOGE) | $0.24 | +14.9% 🚀 |
| Shiba Inu (SHIB) | $0.00001641 | +8.8% |
Top gainers
| CRYPTOCURRENCY | PRICE | GAINS +/- |
| HashAI | $0.0006523 | +68.4% 👏 |
| Ether.fi | $1.25 | +63.9% (your cousin wishes his bank account did this) |
| Quai Network | $0.1259 | +55.5% (not bad for digital Monopoly money) |
Further reading
Whole altcoin thing? It’s because Bitcoin is now only dominating 63.89% of the market. It used to own more—like your uncle at Thanksgiving dinner. Capital shifting, “altcoin season” starting, whatever, I still don’t know where my keys are.
The ETH/BTC ratio’s bouncing back too, which means—if you believe analysts—people are diversifying. (Or maybe just bored. Who am I to judge? I’ve rewatched “Curb” nine times.)
Over in Geneva, U.S. and Chinese officials are meeting, again, probably at some fancy hotel with $12 bottles of water, trying to fix Trump’s trade war. I mean, who needs tariffs that high? 145%? Makes airport food look like a bargain. Companies are scrambling, the world economy grinds its teeth at night, and supply chains are just, what, vibes now?
The New York Times warns this could cause a recession, higher inflation—basically, the usual bedtime story for economists. Sweet dreams, right? 😅
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2025-05-11 09:25