Changpeng Zhao—a man so invested in cryptocurrencies he may, in fact, be blockchain incarnate—recently revealed that he tried his luck at the not-so-crypto-friendly game of presidential pardon, requesting a “Get Out of Jail (Sort Of) Free” card from none other than Donald Trump. This, of course, came rapidly after he denied he’d do any such thing. Some men hedge their bets, CZ runs a two-person relay with himself.
On the roguishly named Farokh Radio podcast (sadly not a weather broadcast for wizards), CZ announced that he “wouldn’t mind” a pardon. His lawyers, quite possibly the busiest people in three time zones, had already oiled the bureaucracy with the necessary paperwork.
Rumours started swirling like cryptos in a bear market—courtesy of Bloomberg and The Wall Street Journal—about a Trump/Binance/handshake-in-the-golden-lobby situation. Back then, Zhao waved the reports away like a man dodging unwanted airdrops. But as any Discworld witch will tell you, if somebody gossips about you long enough, you might as well show up and give them a story to work with.
“And since we’re at it,” CZ mused, “if those chaps from BitMEX got a pardon (including the legendary Arthur Hayes), perhaps it’s pardon o’clock for yours truly too.” Lawyers were promptly dispatched. Perhaps by owl.
Back when Bloomberg and the Wall Street Journal were swapping CZ stories like rare digital cats, he pronounced sagely: “No felon would mind a pardon.” (Historically accurate, as even Genghis Khan quite liked not being in jail.) CZ also claimed he’s the only member of the exclusive “I Did Prison for a Bank Secrecy Act Charge” club, which sadly does not include a jacket.
Why the kerfuffle? Zhao pleaded guilty to a money laundering charge in 2023—cue the tiny violin—stumping up a modest $50 million from a fine that totaled $4.3 billion. That’s several yachts and at least one small kingdom. He stepped down as Binance CEO, a position now presumably occupied by a well-dressed algorithm.
His prison stay lasted four months—longer than most influencer apologies—and he’s strictly forbidden from running Binance, an arrangement both the authorities and Binance management seem okay with.
Naturally, the powers-that-be (the US Department of Justice, a group known for their cheery outlooks) clarified that a pardon, while glamorous, would not actually erase Zhao’s conviction. But it could theoretically allow him to pop back into the Binance.US boardroom, where “Sorry I was late, presidential paperwork, you know how it is” would surely be the modest understatement of the year.
Zhao has no plans to return as Binance CEO
Lest you order new business cards, CZ has said, with all the solemnity of a wizard retiring to his tower, that he has “no plans to return to the CEO position.” The team, apparently, is doing rather well—no necromancy required.
Instead, Zhao now dispenses blockchain wisdom to the dignitaries of Pakistan and Kyrgyzstan, spreading the crypto gospel and advising on regulation, which is surely easier than CEO-ing (and, mercifully, less criminal).
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2025-05-08 03:27