Trump Says Crypto Survived the Market Apocalypse—And Wants You to Have Dinner With Him

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In an interview with Meet the Press—because if you’re going to pontificate, always do it somewhere with an intimidatingly leather chair—former President Donald Trump dusted off his “crypto’s biggest fan” hat (available at limited Mar-a-Lago gift shops) and told the world just how much he likes digital money.

With NBC’s Kristen Welker playing the unwitting crypto-therapist, Trump waded fearlessly into finance: yes, he does have his own shiny cryptocurrency (naturally, because why buy the dip when you can be the dip?) and—get this—if you are a top holder, you might just get to have dinner with him. So if you’re crypto-rich and also really like steak with ketchup, this is your moment. 🍽️

After some classic reality-TV back and forth, Trump declared, “I want crypto. I think crypto’s important because if we don’t do it, China’s going to…” Of course, nothing motivates Americans like the threat of China winning at something. “If you look at the market, when the market went down, (crypto) stayed much stronger than other aspects of the market.” This is the economic analysis equivalent of saying the Titanic’s deck chairs stayed “sturdy” while the ship sunk, but hey, at least he’s consistent with metaphorical buoyancy.

Meanwhile, the Trump-themed meme coin (yes, you read that right) rocketed in value the moment he promised dinner for big holders. Critics called foul, pointing out that the line between politicking and personal piggy banks was looking as blurry as my vision after a crypto crash. Trump, ever the statesman, denied any profit (so, just emotionally invested, then?) and called the crypto sector “hot”—which, to be fair, is how most people describe their laptops after trying to mine Bitcoin on them.🔥

A Sharp Contrast with the Biden Administration

Trump also seized the opportunity to hurl a few designer shoes at President Joe Biden—and Gary Gensler, head of the SEC—for, as he put it, “going after [crypto] violently… then they changed their tune to get votes.” It’s a bold new take: crypto not as a currency for buying dubious NFTs, but as a pawn in America’s timeless election-year scramble. Regulatory crackdown one minute, election-friendly “whoops, we love innovation” the next. Political whiplash: it’s the real American pastime.

Trump painted himself as the cool, hip, pro-innovation guy, ready to champion the blockchain crowd (shame he stopped short of promising laser eyes to all). Specific policies? That’s for boring presidents. Instead, we get the promise of a future where crypto won’t be regulated into submission by angry bureaucrats—or so we’re led to hope.

Political Messaging and the Crypto Electorate

So what’s the upshot? Trump is looking to vacuum up votes from the ever-growing crypto crowd: day traders, hodlers, meme lords, and your aunt who accidentally bought Dogecoin instead of dog food. His message is pure American optimism—with just a dash of “let’s not let the foreigners win.” 🇺🇸🪙

With millions holding digital currency, a well-timed pro-crypto mic drop could swing voter sentiment faster than Bitcoin swings after Elon Musk tweets. Will Trump’s crypto bromance outlast this election cycle? Who knows. But if you play your coins right, you might just snag yourself a dinner invite—and in this economy, that’s about as close as most of us will get to a tangible ROI.

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2025-05-05 15:48