Crypto’s Privacy Queen Embarrasses Ethereum (Again): The XMR Rally No One Saw Coming

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This just in: monero (XMR), the coin your weird cousin buys “for privacy reasons,” just made headlines in possibly the least subtle way—3,520 stolen BTC funneled into it like it was a Caribbean laundromat. Forget snooze coins like BTC and ETH. XMR just spiked while the others are looking for the nearest fainting couch.🛋️

How Monero Left Bitcoin and Ether in the Dust: 12 Months of Awkward Bragging

Throughout 2025, Monero (XMR) has staged the kind of comeback story usually reserved for washed-up 90s sitcom stars or people who go on juice cleanses. Prices hopped from $197 in January to $285 by early May—a hearty 45% gain, not that anyone’s counting (except everyone). Cue April, the same month some hackers decided to turn millions in stolen bitcoin into monero—because nothing screams “nothing to see here” quite like the world’s most anonymous crypto.🎭

In the past year, XMR shot up 120%—not that it’s showing off or anything.

So, thanks to this accidental ad campaign by career criminals, Monero got a sudden wave of interest. Prices leapt from $234.59 to $258.13 overnight, which is really impressive if you forget to look at your other portfolio holdings (probably Ethereum, still crying in the corner). Meanwhile, Monero’s developers took a break from hiding under metaphorical blankets to launch a new upgrade—version 0.18.4.0—making everyone who reads cryptography blogs feel smugger than usual.

This upgrade, and some extra-geeky ring signature research (not a Lord of the Rings spinoff, sorry), plus the FCMP++ contest, all whispered sweet assurances of privacy into users’ ears. 🎩 The privacy nerds rejoiced. Since January: XMR up 45%, BTC limped in with 3.83%, and ETH performed an absolute disappearing act, down 44%—magicians everywhere, take notes.

Zooming out to 12 months: BTC battled its way 64% higher. ETH got stuck in reverse and slid 38%. And XMR? 120% growth. All this with Monero being unceremoniously kicked off several exchanges, like the crypto world’s version of “you can’t sit with us.” Yet XMR soldiers on—still sitting 47% below its 2017 high, because nostalgia is cruel.🫥

Looking ahead, Monero’s tenacity is winning over privacy purists, even as other investors sit on their hands and mumble about regulations. Over time, Monero and its secretive cohort might just do what any misunderstood high schooler in a coming-of-age movie does: find their own weird, thriving, outsider clique. Here’s to the future, where privacy isn’t just a feature—it’s a power move. 🚀

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2025-05-03 19:31