Why Tesla’s Crypto Ride Isn’t Over Yet — Even Musk Needs a Break from DOGE Drama 🚀🐕

by

In the bruising arena of commerce and fortune, Tesla clutches its Bitcoin like a stubborn old comrade refusing to yield. The first quarter of 2025 found the company still guarding its digital gold, all while Elon Musk, a restless soul caught between worlds, declared his retreat from the circus known as the Trump administration’s cost-cutting spectacle.

One can almost hear the clang of Musk’s words on April 22, sparking a jolt—Tesla’s stock soared after hours by 5.4%, cheekily brushing $250.80, a daring climb after a decent 4.6% gain during the day. Ah, sweet irony, that beneath such bravado lies a tale less heroic.

For the quarter’s ledger tells a grimmer story: revenues at $19.34 billion, timidly missing the cold-eyed estimates by nearly eight percent, and signaling a nearly ten percent retreat from the past year’s glories. All while net income fell precipitously—plunging by more than 80% quarter over quarter, a dizzying tumble that screams of hard times behind the curtain.

Even Tesla’s digital treasure was not spared—down 11.61%, slipping from a princely $1.076 billion to a humbled $951 million. The Bitcoin price mirrored this decline, shrugging off value to about $82,514. The worldly accountants, embodied by the Financial Accounting Standards Board, now permit companies to gaze honestly upon their crypto vaults in market truth—as opposed to hiding losses in shadows unless sold.

Despite the storm, Tesla’s hoard of 11,509 Bitcoin remains an unwavering relic, its worth now resurrected above $1.07 billion thanks to the market’s fickle rebound. A treasure held tight since the middle of 2022 — neither sold nor sacrificed.

The DOGE Tango: Musk’s Grand Retreat

On the same melancholic April afternoon, Musk announced his plans to cut back time spent at the Department of Government Efficiency—affectionately mocked as DOGE—a venture blending bureaucracy with pomp, and chaos with whimsy.

“Come May,” he proclaimed, “my dances with DOGE will slow, as the major drama here has settled.”

“Now, I shall pour my spirit deeper into Tesla, where engines hum and futures take flight.”

The market responded, as it often does, chasing Musk’s promises with a 5.4% leap after hours, building upon a 4.6% rally during the trading day, as broader forces clawed back glimmers of hope lost earlier in the week.

Yet, amid cheers and quick gains, Tesla faces a daunting path: shares down over 37% this year, shadows stretched by fading sales, Musk’s political escapades, and the looming specter of tariffs cast by the unpredictable hand of Trump.

In this restless capitalist odyssey, the dance continues—Bitcoin held like a stubborn anchor, Musk juggling roles that stretch beyond reason, and Tesla’s fate riding the volatile winds of fate, humor, and a dash of madness. 🚗💸🐕‍🦺

Powered by Pollinations.AI free text APIs. [Support our mission](https://pollinations.ai/redirect/kofi) to keep AI accessible for everyone.

Read More

2025-04-23 07:49