Ah, the tale of Michael Novogratz’s Galaxy Ventures Fund I LP—a cosmic quest to gather a treasure chest of $175 to $180 million by June’s end, to shepherd 30 crypto and blockchain startups into the unknown! Surely a voyage worthy of a Cossack’s bravado, if only with fewer horses and more spreadsheets.
Bloomberg’s sneaky whispers on April 17 reveal that this fund, obsessed with payments and those ever-elusive stablecoins, has already outpaced its modest goal of $150 million. What sorcery is this? Investors throwing gold coins faster than greedy Tchernobyl traders at a bazaar!
This fund’s triumph arrives as crypto venture capital feels about as lively as a damp borscht—despite the Saints and Sinners of Washington apparently smiling upon it. Earlier in the year, Novogratz lamented 2024’s crypto venture scene as an arid steppe, despite Bitcoin ETFs, memecoin hysteria, and AI agents prowling the market like confused wolves. Apparently, these beasts don’t exactly whisper sweet venture capital nothings.
In 2024, venture capitalists poured a humble $11.5 billion (across 2,153 deals, no less!) into blockchain startups. A slight bump from 2023’s $10 billion, yet a far cry from the $30 billion floodgate of 2022. How quickly the mighty fall—or at least plateau.
Crypto VC in America, meanwhile, shed 22% to a mere $1.3 billion in Q1 2025, according to the ever-watchful Pitchbook scrolls. No surprise the investors have turned their gaze to AI, basking in 58% of the global venture pie. AI, the new darling at the ball, while crypto sulks in the corner with a bottle of vodka.
Globally, crypto venture funding hit a mysterious $4.8 billion in Q1—the best since Q3 2022—whispered CryptoRank, courtesy of a $2 billion love letter from Abu Dhabi’s MGX to Binance. Nearly half the global bounty in one swoop! One must wonder if they left any coins for the rest.
The initial grand entrance in June 2024 saw $113 million raised, lining the pockets of a portfolio that includes the synthetic dollar illusionist Ethena; M^Zero, whipping liquidity like a Cossack whip; Monad, the layer-1 blockchain of dreams; Plume, dancing tokens on layer-2; and Renzo, a derivatives sorcerer playing asset chess on EigenLayer and Ethereum’s stage.
Crypto’s Grand Performance
Mike Novogratz, that beacon of hope in the frosty night, declares on X (formerly known as Twitter, formerly something else, who cares?) that crypto and Bitcoin are “doing what they’re supposed to.” Acting as financial report cards? Who knew!
“In times of chaos, it’s both a panic button and a long-term gamble on a new financial kingdom. But this young prodigy craves serenity to grow—no wild parties allowed, for adoption thrives not in disorder, much like a decent samovar needs calm waters.”
One might say, in true Gogol fashion, that the crypto world dances a merry farce: simultaneously bursting with promise and stumbling headlong into its own missteps, all while keeping us entertained with its unpredictable antics. 🎭🚀
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2025-04-17 06:49