Trump’s Bizarre Bitcoin Bonanza?!

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Right then, chaps! A rather rum thing is brewing across the pond, what? It seems the Trump administration, bless their cotton socks, is contemplating a scheme so audacious, so utterly Jeeves-would-raise-an-eyebrow-worthy, that one scarcely knows where to begin. A senior presidential adviser, name of Hines, has hinted that they’re considering using revenue from those frightful Trump tariffs to, wait for it, buy Bitcoin! 🤯 As part of a plan to build a national crypto reserve. One can only imagine the chaos if Aunt Agatha got wind of this.

Bo Hines, the blighter in charge of the Presidential Council of Advisers for Digital Assets (a title that sounds like something out of a science fiction penny dreadful, if you ask me), confirmed this strategy in a chin-wag with some crypto chap named Anthony Pompliano. “We’re looking at many creative ways, whether it be from tariffs, whether it be from something else,” Hines burbled. “Everything’s on the table.” One shudders to think what “everything” entails. Perhaps they’ll start selling off bits of the White House lawn? 🤷‍♂️

The idea, apparently, is to snap up as much Bitcoin (BTC) as possible without dipping into the national coffers or, heaven forbid, increasing taxes. Apart from the tariff loot, another cunning wheeze they’re mulling over is revaluing U.S. Treasury gold certificates. These are still valued at a paltry $43 per ounce, while the actual market price is more like $3,200. A rather significant discrepancy, wouldn’t you say? 🤔

This revaluation could conjure up a hefty paper surplus, which would then be channeled into buying Bitcoin without actually flogging off the gold. Hines assures us that the goal is to build a long-term reserve and not to, perish the thought, trade or sell the assets. One hopes they have a robust plan for keeping it all safe from digital ne’er-do-wells. 🙏

“We obviously have made it very clear that we want to acquire as much as we can get. We have to acquire Bitcoin in budget-neutral ways that don’t cost a taxpayer a dime.”

— Bo Hines, Presidential digital assets adviser

This initiative has previously received the nod from key figures in Trump’s economic entourage, including Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick and Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent. The proposal also dances merrily along with the BITCOIN Act of 2025, championed by Senator Cynthia Lummis. One can picture the debates in Congress now – pure, unadulterated pandemonium! 🤪

The bill suggests that the U.S. acquire up to a million BTC over five years to establish this strategic reserve. Some of that Bitcoin might even come from assets already in the government’s clutches, like crypto seized from those frightful criminals. A silver lining, perhaps? 🪙

Hines also mentioned that the White House is beavering away on a digital asset strategy, due out this summer. It will supposedly outline how the U.S. plans to encourage crypto innovation, regulate sectors like staking and tokenization, and generally promote U.S. dollar stablecoins on the global stage. One can only hope it’s more coherent than a Bertie Wooster scheme.🤞

In the meantime, the price of Bitcoin has bounced back a bit from recent lows, which were apparently caused by worries about those aforementioned Trump tariffs. In the past week, Bitcoin took a bit of a tumble, dropping below $80,000, reaching a low of about $75,000. It has since recovered and is trading around $85,505 as of press time. One must keep a close eye on these things, what?

Short-term bullish momentum is indicated by the cryptocurrency’s recovery of its 50-day moving average. However, that upward trend may be tested by resistance at $88,000. All terribly technical, of course. One relies on Jeeves to explain such things. 🤓

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2025-04-15 10:59