Senators Want to Kill Bitcoin Mining Fun with Boring Green Rules 🙄

In a display of bureaucratic zeal that would make any sensible person reach for a stiff drink, Democratic Senators – our dear friends Whitehouse and Fetterman – have unleashed their latest masterpiece of regulatory entertainment: the “Clean Cloud Act of 2025.” How utterly delightful! 🎭

One might say, with delicious irony, that our esteemed legislators have discovered a new way to extract money from the digital gold rush – not through mining, mind you, but through the altogether more sophisticated method of environmental penalties. How frightfully clever! 🎩

The bill, drafted presumably between cocktails and consciousness, demands that these frightfully modern facilities using more than 100 kilowatts (barely enough to power one’s country estate, really) must confess their electrical sins to the government. Rather like attending a particularly tedious church service, wouldn’t you say? ⚡

By 2028, these data centers might consume 12% of national electricity – roughly equivalent to powering all the tea kettles in Boston Harbor, I shouldn’t wonder. Meanwhile, Bitcoin mining, that peculiarly modern form of alchemy, has grown with the enthusiasm of a schoolboy at a tuck shop. 🏦

The real comedy, darling, lies in their timeline: zero emissions by 2035. One might as well demand that pigs fly by Tuesday! Those who dare to exceed these lovely little limits will be charged $20 per kilowatt-hour – a bargain compared to the cost of maintaining one’s London club membership. 💰

The funds, naturally, will go toward “clean energy projects” – presumably involving windmills and other such charming medieval technologies. Those fortunate enough to run entirely on zero-carbon energy shall be granted dispensation, rather like medieval indulgences but with more paperwork. 📝

The whole affair rather reminds one of trying to catch smoke with a butterfly net – terribly earnest but ultimately futile. But then again, what else would one expect from our dear friends in Washington? 🎪

2025-04-14 02:57

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