🚨 Bitcoin’s Drama Queen Moment: Is This the Bottom or Just Another Crypto Tease? 🎭

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Oh honey, grab your emotional support spreadsheets because Swissblock (aka the “Mean Girls” of crypto analytics) is giving us some major FOMO vibes about Bitcoin. Like that time I tried to make “fetch” happen, they’re saying BTC isn’t quite ready for its glow-up, even with this 90-day tariff pause serving lewks. 🤷‍♀️

They’re over on X (because apparently Twitter wasn’t fancy enough) serving tea hotter than my Starbucks order during my “30 Rock” days. 💅

“Don’t let your guard down yet!” they say, like my mom warning me about wearing clean underwear. Bitcoin’s playing around $78k-$79k before hitting $80k like it’s trying to reach the high note in a Broadway musical. 🎭

Their fancy-schmancy “Bitcoin Risk Signal” (which I assume is about as reliable as my high school boyfriend) is using more indicators than I have excuses for eating an entire sheet cake. And let me tell you, it’s giving major “it’s complicated” relationship status vibes. 🚩

According to these chart nerds (love you, mean it!), Bitcoin’s still in a downtrend, like my career after that one movie I shouldn’t have done. 📉

For Bitcoin to prove it’s not just another crypto fling, it needs to hold $80k like I hold onto my last slice of night cheese. Currently serving at $83,221, up 4.7% because apparently, math is still a thing. 🧀

But hey, what do I know? I’m just here trying to figure out if this is financial advice or the plot of “Mean Girls: Crypto Edition.” Working on the weekend? That’s so fetch! 💁‍♀️

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2025-04-12 10:22