Crypto Chaos: Binance Boots Tokens, Ripple Settles, and Trump Tariffs Tango

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This week in crypto was like a soap opera, but with more acronyms and fewer shirtless dudes. 🎭

Between Binance playing God with altcoins, Ripple and the SEC finally agreeing on something, and Trump’s tariff tantrum, it’s been a wild ride. Buckle up, because here’s the rundown of the crypto circus. 🎪

Binance’s Token Purge: The Hunger Games of Crypto

Binance, the crypto exchange that’s basically the Walmart of digital assets, decided to kick 14 tokens to the curb. BADGER, BAL, and CREAM were among the unlucky ones. 🚫

As soon as the news dropped, these tokens took a nosedive faster than my New Year’s resolutions. 📉 Binance used its “vote-to-delist” feature, which is basically like letting the mob decide who gets whacked. Out of 103,942 votes, 93,680 were valid, proving that even in crypto, democracy is messy. 🗳️

“Following the Vote to Delist results and completion of the standard delisting due diligence process, Binance will delist BADGER, BAL, BETA, CREAM, CTXC, ELF, FIRO, HARD, NULS, PROS, SNT, TROY, UFT and VIDT on 2025-04-16,” read the announcement.

After April 16, these tokens will be as good as Monopoly money. 💸

Arthur Hayes’ Bitcoin Fantasy: $1 Million or Bust

Arthur Hayes, the guy who probably dreams in candlestick charts, came out swinging this week. He thinks the US-China trade war and Fed stimulus could send Bitcoin to $1 million. 🚀

Hayes tied Trump’s proposed 125% tariffs on Chinese goods to a potential Bitcoin supercycle. He also mentioned the “super bazooka” scenario where the USD/CNY hits 10.00, which sounds like a bad action movie plot. 💥

According to Hayes, all this chaos will lead to inflation, supply chain disruptions, and a return to quantitative easing (QE). He’s basically predicting the apocalypse, but with Bitcoin as the hero. 🦸‍♂️

While Hayes’ prediction sounds like a pipe dream, some analysts are starting to think he might be onto something. 🤔

Stealth QE: The Fed’s Secret Sauce

This week, some analysts accused the Fed of doing stealth QE, which is like sneaking veggies into your kid’s mac and cheese. 🥦

“This isn’t hopium. This is actual liquidity being unchained. While people are screaming about tariffs, inflation, and ghost-of-SVB trauma… the biggest stealth easing since 2020 has been underway,” wrote Oz, founder of The Markets Unplugged.

Liquidity metrics like the Reverse Repo Facility (RRP) suggest the Fed is quietly pumping money into the system. Critics say this is propping up asset prices, including crypto, without the transparency of past QE rounds. 🕵️‍♂️

If true, this could be the secret sauce keeping Bitcoin above $70,000. 🍔

Ripple and SEC: The Legal Drama Finally Ends?

Ripple and the SEC filed a joint motion to settle their years-long legal battle. It’s like watching two divorced parents finally agree on custody. 👨‍👩‍👧

“The parties have filed a joint motion to hold the appeal in abeyance based on the parties’ agreement to settle. The settlement is awaiting Commission approval. No brief will be filed on April 16th,” wrote XRP advocate James Filan.

This follows Judge Analisa Torres’s 2023 ruling that XRP is not a security when sold to retail investors. The resolution could open the door for Ripple to re-enter the US market and maybe even get an XRP ETF. 🚪

For Ripple, this is like finally getting out of detention. 🎉

Trump’s Tariff Tango: China Gets the Shaft

This week, Trump announced he’s pausing tariffs on most US trading partners—except China. Because why not? 🇨🇳

“Based on the lack of respect that China has shown to the World’s Markets, I am hereby raising the Tariff charged to China by the United States of America to 125%, effective immediately,” Trump shared on Truth Social.

The move gave crypto a 5% boost, proving once again that chaos is good for digital assets. In retaliation, China raised tariffs on the US to 125%, because nothing says “diplomacy” like a trade war. 🤷‍♂️

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2025-04-11 16:42