In a city bloated with hope and disappointment, Anthony Pompliano—known to friends as that man who once tried to pay for a horse in Bitcoin—deftly gathered $750 million, as if such amounts were as easily conjured as a samovar of tea. And for what? To take his prodigious ProCap, that elusive creature, fluttering toward the US stock exchange by means of a SPAC. Oh, how the neighbors will talk.
They say, with the dreaminess reserved for spring evenings, the joining of Columbus Circle Capital and ProCap will yield ProCap Financial Inc., who shall emerge into daylight with $1 billion worth of Bitcoin. Yes, $1 billion, as if one could trade those imaginary coins for a bowl of borscht at grandmother’s. The merger is expected before year’s end, unless, of course, the world ends first—for such things have been known to happen.
Pompliano, steeled by visions one only gets after staring too long at crypto charts by candlelight, announced on X—presumably not with a quill pen—that his new public venture will “acquire bitcoin for its balance sheet, while also developing products and services to produce revenue and profit from the bitcoin on our balance sheet over time.” To which one might add: “and perhaps he’ll acquire a decent night’s sleep.”
Columbus, described rather lovingly as a Special Purpose Acquisition Company (SPAC)—which is really a shell company, you see, more empty than a provincial post office on a weekday—exists solely to absorb another. Such are the tender mercies of finance.
Money Falls Like Spring Rain…If You’re a Crypto Firm
ProCap and Columbus, as if led by the invisible hand of Dostoyevsky’s gambler, managed to net $750 million—$516.5 million in equity, $235 million in neat little convertible notes. They are supported by crypto brokers, Blockchain.com, and Eric Semler, who presumably is waiting for Bitcoin to pay his medical bills.
A Place in the Fabergé Egg Showcase of Bitcoin Hoarders
Soon, ProCap Financial may stroll into the select club of Bitcoin-hoarding companies. MicroStrategy lounges at the top, like the czar at his feast, sitting on 592,345 BTC—worth, apparently, $62.3 billion (or three cups of coffee in Moscow nowadays). Should ProCap pull off its act, $1 billion in Bitcoin vaults it to eighth place, knocking off Coinbase as elegantly as an opera singer dropping a glass.
There is chatter that Donald Trump’s media cabal yearns to acquire $2.5 billion in Bitcoin, because why not? If you can’t win at politics, there’s always a shiny spot in the Bitcoin leaderboard to chase.
The IPO Season: All Aboard the Bitcoin Express 🚂
Other firms, not content to be left behind in the echo of bullish trumpet blasts, are rushing to go public: Twenty One Capital, led by Jack Mallers (who probably dreams of Bitcoin even more than Pompliano), is set to SPAC with Cantor Fitzgerald. And Justin Sun’s Tron is reversing into the public market via a toy company—as one does—transforming SRM Entertainment into something called Tron Inc., punctuated by a $210 million token injection.
All these hopefuls seem to chase that lucky star, Circle Internet Group, whose shares jumped over 670% since June 5. One could only hope they do not fall from their dizzy heights like so many crypto miners who lost their passwords.
So, investor, reader, casual onlooker: pack your bags, sharpen your wits, and don’t forget your ledger. In this august tale of surprise, faith, and a touch of absurdity, the only thing more volatile than Bitcoin is the human heart.
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2025-06-24 05:58