AI Coins Skyrocket But Don’t Get Too Excited Just Yet 😏

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You know what’s back? AI. Yay. 🎉 Cryptocurrencies linked to artificial intelligence had themselves a day on Tuesday after OpenAI casually secured a $40 billion injection—like it’s spare change—from investors like Softbank and Microsoft. Oh, and now OpenAI is apparently worth $300 billion. No big deal. 🤷‍♂️

OpenAI Raises $40B: Crypto Nerds Are Losing Their Minds (Again)

//www.theverge.com/news/640259/openai-40-billion-softbank-investment”>secured a ridiculously large funding round. Maybe they want to buy Mars? Who knows. All I know is soft pretzels don’t even cost $40 billion. 🤔

The usual suspects were involved: Softbank, Microsoft, Coatue Management, Altimeter Capital, the Tooth Fairy—or whatever—and apparently Magnetar Capital and Founders Fund might’ve hopped in too. It’s like a party where everyone’s rich except you. And get this: $18 billion is supposedly being thrown into “Stargate,” a US-based AI project partnered with—you ready for this? The Trump administration. Sure, why not? 🤦‍♂️

AI token ai16z (AI16Z) skyrocketed, because apparently, we’re all living in a simulation now. 🤖

Anyway, as this circus unfolded, AI-linked cryptocurrencies sprang to life like people spotting an open seat on the subway. Digital assets tied to AI got the munchies: Artificial Superintelligence Alliance (FET) went up 4%, which is like finding five bucks in your coat pocket; render (RENDER) climbed 8.8%, ai16z jumped 13.5%, and paal ai went up 11.2%. Even fartcoin (yes, that’s apparently a thing) gained 10.69%. Fartcoin, folks. FART. COIN. 💨

GRASS was up 8.1%, because sure, let’s throw a plant in there. Qubic (QUBIC) shot up 9%, near protocol (NEAR) ticked up 5.5%, and Worldcoin—which, by the way, feels like it’s trying way too hard—crept up 4.5% after OpenAI’s cash-grab news. But let’s not pop the champagne; most of these tokens are STILL down double-digits over the past week. Don’t act like you’re quitting your day job just yet. 🙄

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2025-04-02 00:27