David Sacks Slams Media’s “Dump” Narrative in Satirical Crypto Drama

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# You Won’t Believe Why David Sacks Is Blasting the Media Over Crypto 💸🚀

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David Sacks Slams Media’s “Dump” Narrative in Satirical Crypto Drama

David Sacks, the Trump administration’s AI and Crypto Czar—and apparently an unwilling celebrity among journalists—has unsheathed his Twitter sword against the media’s portrayal of the cryptocurrency market as a theater of tragedy. 🎭

Imagine calling the sale of over $200 million in digital assets a “dump.” Oh, the audacity! 😱 That insult was enough to send Sacks on the digital offensive.

Crypto Divestment or Dump? David Sacks Channels His Inner Philosopher

Ah, perspective! For those of you keeping track on your conspiracy corkboards 🕵️, Sacks and his firm, Craft Ventures, liquidated their entire crypto portfolio just before President Trump ascended to the throne. Coincidence? Or a plot twist worthy of binge-worthy drama? 📺

“Crucially, you have already taken significant steps to minimize potential conflicts of interest due to digital asset holdings divesting from hundreds of millions of dollars in digital assets or digital asset-related industry entities,” the White House memo read.

This bureaucratic prose inspired the sort of emotions one feels reading a particularly dull recipe book. Yet, hidden within the memo was a list of goodies Sacks offloaded: Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), Solana (SOL). Even the Bitwise 10 Crypto Index Fund, Coinbase (COIN), and Robinhood (HOOD) were sent packing. Irony: Robinhood’s stock, not-so-merry men. 😂

But wait—Sacks wasn’t giving up without a fight. He stormed onto X (formerly Twitter, and yes, still confusing) to wag his finger at the audacity of journalists labeling him as a “crypto dumper.” 🚶‍♂️

“I did not ‘dump’ my cryptocurrency; I divested it,” David Sacks tweeted in what might be the sassiest inter-office memo ever posted publicly.

Did the media really need a thesaurus as much as they need ethics? According to Sacks, yes. His indignation looped around the notion that reporters had traded accuracy for spicy headlines. It’s not just bad PR—it’s borderline Shakespearean betrayal. Et tu, crypto journalists? 🤷‍♀️

Arguably the protagonist on stage was Changpeng Zhao (CZ), ex-CEO of Binance, who chimed darkly:

“They sell clicks, not ethics,” CZ wrote with the brevity of a modern poet—or maybe a slightly bitter marketing exec. 🤔

But wait, there’s more popcorn-worthy drama! David Nage, Portfolio Manager at Arca, joined the Greek chorus:

“The media’s ‘dump’ spin shows crypto’s ‘don’t trust, verify’ ethos clashing with legacy systems built on blind trust. #Irony,” Nage replied with a wink and metaphorical mic drop. 🎤

Colin, an analyst whose last name seems unimportant here (but let’s assume it’s mysterious), argued for cutting off all government funding to media organizations, possibly after watching one too many dystopian films. 🎥 #InfluencedMuch?

But wait—David Hoffman from Bankless appeared on-stage with a soliloquy about society’s loads of “crypto skepticism.” According to him, most people would rather not acknowledge crypto’s meteoric potential for wealth creation. Why? Because acknowledging it would mean grappling with something cognitively awkward—like realizing you skipped investing for avocado toast but now live in existential regret. 🥑💼

“Media is titling headlines to cater to this need,” he added with the resigned tone of someone who has seen far too many bad headlines in their life. 📜

Oh, the plot thickened, dear reader. A survey revealed the silent fears of voters trembling at the thought of Trump’s accountable crypto empire. Should the government disrobe from its crypto-bathed investments entirely? Or are we entering a new chapter of blockchain paranoia? The voters urge: tread lightly, Uncle Sam. 🏛️🤷‍♂️

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2025-03-19 12:58