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In his December 10 soliloquy, titled “Midnight Launch AAR,” the noble Hoskinson addressed the tempestuous price dance that hath captivated the masses. “It launched at almost $150, a sum so preposterous it could only be described as ‘insane’!” he exclaimed, his eyes widening with dramatic flair. “But lo! As soon as it touched the sacred grounds of Binance Alpha, the heavens wept, and the token plummeted to a mere two cents. Oh, the cruelty of the DGENs! They dumped upon us like a flock of geese over a village green!” 🦆💨

Trading under the ticker XXI (because, of course, we’re in the future), Twenty One Capital is a Bitcoin-native firm that’s got the big boys like Tether, Bitfinex, and SoftBank in its corner. I mean, when you’ve got SoftBank backing you, you should probably be celebrating with champagne, right? 🍾

As if plucked from a Fyodor Dostoevsky tale, the city stands-a city with aspirations of greatness not unlike the great St. Petersburg, its heart is now cradled within the bustling epicenter of ADGM. Here on December 10, Galaxy declared, with the ferocity of a Russian winter poem, its descent into the inviting arms of the UAE. Here, the first step is just a foothill among the surrounding peaks of ambition, where Arabia’s sands meet the West’s innovation. 🏜️🍷

Dec. 9 marked the day when Binance, the big boss of digital coins, inked a deal with Botim Money-no, it’s not a new superhero team-at Binance Blockchain Week in Dubai. The fancy words: a memorandum of understanding, or MoU, for those who like their agreements sound official. Their plan? To let more folks in the UAE get a taste of digital assets without needing a PhD in cryptography. The goal is “simplified and compliant” pathways, because nothing says excitement like regulated crypto-like a rollercoaster with seatbelts. 🎢💼

Behold, the Designated Contract Market license, a golden key that unlocks the gates to regulated prediction markets for the first time in this land. On the 10th day of December, Gemini Titan LLC, an affiliate of the crypto twins, received this divine decree after a five-year pilgrimage through the deserts of regulatory scrutiny. The CFTC, in its infinite wisdom, hath spoken, and lo, the people shall trade in yes-or-no markets, tied to the whims of price levels, corporate intrigues, and political theatrics.

A report, yes, another report filled with pronouncements and anxieties, speaks of these monthly ‘unlocks’ of HYPE. Ten million units unleashed upon an unsuspecting world! What wickedness is this?! The purpose remains shrouded in mystery, a darkness that only time – and perhaps a few more months of agonizing unlocks – will illuminate. Young Jason of Delphi Digital posits that we need to wait for the full extent of the suffering to become clear. Patience, he says. As if patience can mend a broken spirit! 🙄

The main meme coin narrative, that old dog with a new leash, clung to 12.48% of attention, down from 14.36%. Yet it paraded proudly as champion, having outfoxed the AI scribes and RWA bureaucrats. Solana’s jesters, with their 4.57% share, performed acrobatics in sixth place, while AI meme coins-those half-baked satires of progress-crawled to 18th, and Base meme coins, trailing closely, earned 1.40% with the grace of a sleep-deprived turtle.