The acquisition arrives as Molson Coors trades at $45.18 per share-a 17% annual drop and 35 percentage points below the S&P 500’s performance. With revenue of $11.63 billion (TTM) and a 4.13% dividend yield-the highest since 2020-the company presents as a textbook value stock. Yet its enterprise value of six times EBITDA masks a deeper arithmetic: a 50% plunge from its 2016 peak suggests structural rot, not temporary mispricing.
The decentralized finance ecosystem, already a labyrinth of jargon and promise, has found a new patron in Anchorage Digital. Institutions, those stalwart pillars of tradition, now have a “safe” avenue to dabble in Bitcoin DeFi via BOB’s hybrid chain. Because what could possibly go wrong with blending Ethereum’s innovation and Bitcoin’s security? 🧪
On Nov. 7, bitcoin (BTC) slithered below $100,000, slinking to $99,376 amid rumors that long-term holders-those OG whales, who’ve clung to their BTC since the dawn of blockchain-were cashing in their chips like a pack of sardonic gamblers. The slide dragged bitcoin’s market capitalization further from the $2 trillion mirage, while the crypto economy’s total value wilted to a paltry $3.4 trillion-a sum that would make a billionaire blush.
According to the whispers in the Fortune teacup ☕, this deal is as noteworthy as a giant peach rolling into town. Tempo, you see, is the brainchild of fintech giant Stripe and crypto venture firm Paradigm, who apparently decided that September was the perfect month to conjure a $5 billion valuation out of thin air. 🌪️ Commonware, ever the humble hero, refused to spill the beans on its other investors, leaving us all to wonder who else is tossing gold into the cauldron.
According to the SEC’s ledger, Herald’s 42,300 shares vanished, a liquidation so absolute it suggests not mere portfolio pruning but a confession of sin. For what other reason would a fund surrender its stake entirely, save to absolve itself of the compulsion to cling to a rising tide? The arithmetic-$17.199 million in paper gains-pales beside the existential weight of the act.
This update, as grand as a Tsar’s edict, allows mortals to pose queries in simple tongues and witness the dance of probabilities, as if watching a troupe of clowns in a stock market circus. Historical trends shall be displayed alongside these antics, lest we forget that the past is but a dusty mirror reflecting our collective madness. 🎭
Michael Saylor and his merry band of alchemists have officially fluttered their wings to Europe, seeking fresh pastures to graze upon in their eternal quest for… you guessed it… more bitcoin. 🐈⬛
Behold, the green candle! AIA, the child of a blockchain project that whispers promises of AI agents trading without human hands, leapt from obscurity to glory in a single day. Its price? A staggering $28, its market cap a gaudy $3 billion. A marvel, or a mirage?
Meanwhile, in a plot twist that no one saw coming, Zcash (ZEC) and Internet Computer (ICP) have been rising like a pair of proverbial phoenixes from the ashes, leaving behind the usual crypto chaos. These two are certainly making headlines, so let’s take a look at their dazzling performances. 🌟
