The market’s enthusiasm was, to be fair, somewhat understandable. One announcement detailed a potential successor to Wegovy, the drug that’s turned obesity into a lucrative niche for the company. The other suggested that Wegovy might do more than just melt away pounds-it might also help people stop thinking about cake. (A development so profound it could rival the invention of the tea bag.)
Picture this-the villainous marauder leverages a flash loan, buying a staggering 4.6 million shiny Bone ShibaSwap tokens (BONE, for those scoring at home). With this arsenal, they slip behind the curtain, slyly snatching validator signing keys and signing off on a transaction that sent a cool $2.4 million sprinting off the Shibarium bridge, faster than you can say “Satoshi’s revenge.”
Shares of AeroVironment (AVAV) were up 5% by 3:30 p.m. ET, because nothing says “confidence” like a stock price that dances like it’s in a Fred Astaire movie. Investors, it seems, are twirling with delight.
Ferguson’s Q4 revenue swelled 6.9% year-over-year to $8.5 billion, a number that, in the grand scheme of things, is roughly as impressive as a teapot orbiting Saturn. Adjusted earnings per share leapt from $2.98 to $3.48-a 17% increase that would have made a 1920s stockbroker weep with nostalgia. Analysts, those modern-day oracles of spreadsheets, had penciled in earnings near $3.29 on $8.7 billion in revenue. Ferguson’s results, therefore, were a masterclass in statistical sleight of hand: just enough to satisfy, just enough to confuse, and absolutely nothing to write home about-unless your home is a server farm in Nebraska.
On a gloriously mundane September 16, 2025, Bitwise Funds Trust submitted a post-effective amendment-because why file just once when you can file again, and again?-for their Stablecoin and Tokenization ETF. The plan: 75 days from ink to reality under the cryptic Rule 485(a)(2). Curiously, the listing exchange and ticker were left as blank slates, perhaps an existential wink to the unpredictability of crypto markets. 🤷♂️
The fund, scheduled for a debut sometime between here and the next tea break, vows to pirouette gracefully across Ethereum, Solana, and Stellar. Though, don’t get your knickers in a twist-Galaxy won’t be throwing their whole blockchain brigade at once. Anchorage Digital has nobly volunteered to play custodian, probably because someone has to keep the crypto cookies from disappearing. 🍪
Curiously, Jumia did not unfurl any banners or issue proclamations of newfound glory, but rather, it basked in the warm glow cast by an unexpected and monumental raising of its price target from the smartly dressed financial establishments. The market, like a sun-baked field awaiting rain, embraced this change.
Over on Wall Street, they call it a “rotation.” Meanwhile, Main Street is yelling “Hey! Why is my sandwich now mortgage-worthy?” The DXY index, that infamous scoreboard of dollar muscles, is showing off one of the sharpest slides since someone said “Trust me, it’s fine” to the economy. Exporters are beaming like they just got free snacks; importers? Well, they’re recalculating faster than you can say “tariffs.”
It all began, if we can still call it that, just a month ago-on the 12th of August, to be precise. Webtoon and Disney exchanged some sort of cordial agreement, the details of which involved an extravagant selection of 100 comics from the pantheon of Star Wars, Spider-Man, Avengers, Alien, and the sacred Disney brand itself. A deal, no doubt, to tantalize the imagination of every comic lover and, incidentally, to inject a bit of life into Webtoon’s floundering fortunes.
When retail investors-those impish rebels-conjured a rally that rivaled the spectral GameStop episode, one could almost hear the faint sound of angels crying over the chaos they wrought. As for the boardroom, there was no mercy for CEO Carrie Wheeler-ousted, like so many before her, in the wake of the storm stirred by activist investors. Now, the company seems to be at the mercy of the whims of a new captain. And yet, one wonders: will this new leader be the architect of Opendoor’s salvation or simply a mere figurehead in a collapsing house of cards?