Behold, the payment-optimized blockchain, Tempo, birthed by the unholy alliance of Stripe and Paradigm, has siphoned $500 million from the pockets of the gullible. Thrive Capital and Greenoaks led the charge, joined by Sequoia, Ribbit, and SV Angel. Stripe and Paradigm, the masterminds, stood aside, perhaps too busy counting their existing fortunes. 💼
A revival, you ask? Fresh whale accumulation and the return of retail fervor are the needed enchantments to seduce the market into a melodious ascent. Without these, Dogecoin remains a somber character in an otherwise vibrant marketplace.
Since the great liquidation of last weekend-a calamity so severe it would make even a Soviet grain planner weep-BitMine has quietly amassed 379,271 Ether. That’s nearly $1.5 billion in ethereal promises (😭), acquired in three neat little installments as if buying potatoes at a collective farm: 202,037 after the crash, 104,336 on Thursday (perhaps during tea break), and 72,898 on Saturday-because, why not? Sunday was already ruined by reality.
The SEC filing landed like a Molotov cocktail. Matthews, our so-called “heroes,” decided to trim their position in Sea Limited – a company that’s grown into a three-headed beast of gaming (Garena), e-commerce (Shopee), and fintech (SeaMoney). They kept 213,226 shares after the purge, but make no mistake – this was a strategic retreat. The stock had the audacity to RISE 63.68% over twelve months, making it look like the S&P 500 was a junkie nodding off at the wheel.
Asia, the land of spicy noodles and even spicier crypto moves, has some Ethereum fanatics who just can’t keep their wallets closed. They’re building a 1 billion ETH treasury company. Because, you know, why not? 🍜💰
Ah, the ever-thrilling tale of investment shifts. JMIC, a once-stalwart supporter of Adobe, reduced its position in the company, unloading those 20,929 shares during Q3 2025. The estimated value of this move-based on the average price for the quarter-was $7.51 million. Quite a sum, don’t you think? Of course, one could imagine the boardroom murmurs over this strategic maneuver. Now, the firm’s stake stands at a somewhat less impressive 50,664 shares, as confirmed in their SEC Form 13-F filing on October 16, 2025.
Our dear John, with his Bollinger Bands (yes, the ones he invented, do keep up!), has spotted what he calls “potential ‘W’ bottoms” on ETH and SOL. Bitcoin, however, remains the wallflower at this ball, still forming its base. How très ennuyeux! 😴
IMAGE SOURCE: GETTY IMAGES.
IMAGE SOURCE: GETTY IMAGES.
This digital Robin Hood-no relation, presumably-has grown plump on the twin breadwinners of fintech alchemy and digital daring. Yet its September fireworks demanded closer inspection. What conjugated such a leap? Let us invert the pyramid of suspicion.
