SEC Halts Crypto ETFs: Will ProShares Cave or Quit? 🚫💰

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Earlier this month, ProShares, that audacious upstart, submitted amendments seeking approval for high-leverage ETFs designed to deliver triple the daily performance of major assets-cryptocurrencies and tech stocks alike. The SEC, with the gravitas of a prophet, responded with a letter as dense as a Dostoevskian tome, asserting that the funds violate Rule 18f-4, an Investment Company Act rule that limits leverage like a jailer confines a prisoner. 🚫

Michael Saylor Fights to Keep Bitcoin Firm in Global Stock Index – Will He succeed?

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Now, as the MSCI Global Standard Indexes are pondering whether to give Strategy’s prized digital treasury assets (DATs) the boot, Saylor’s crew is busy chatting with the index folks – a bit like techie kids pleading with the teacher to keep them in the game, no matter how much they might be bending the rules. Reuters nicely reported on Wednesday that Strategy says they’re “engaging” in this process, which sounds either stubborn or strategically diplomatic – your pick. Meanwhile, JPMorgan has wet everyone’s appetite with a claim that if Strategy’s stock gets excluded, roughly $2.8 billion could evaporate faster than a snowman in July.

Amylyx’s Second Chance: A 150% Rally and 2026 Catalysts?

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According to a filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission dated November 14, Commodore Capital LP disclosed a new stake in Amylyx Pharmaceuticals (AMLX +1.60%). The fund reported ownership of 4.1 million shares, equating to $55.4 million and 2.7% of its $2 billion in reportable equity holdings after the third quarter. Now, let’s pause for a second. A fund that’s worth $2 billion is now allocating 2.7% to a company with a $1.5 billion market cap. That’s like ordering a side of fries with your Big Mac. But hey, maybe they’re very hungry for a comeback.

Terns Pharmaceuticals: A 300% Surge That Smells Like a Carnival Sideshow 🎪

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Let’s establish this upfront: Commodore Capital’s new position in Terns isn’t exactly a love letter. It’s more like a polite nod at a party where everyone’s shouting stock tips over jazz music. This 2.1% stake sits comfortably in the “also purchased” category, well behind their top five holdings, which include NASDAQ darlings like MRUS and NUVL. If this were a dinner party, Terns would be the guest seated next to the host’s eccentric uncle who insists he’s invented a time machine.

A Wildean Portfolio: Relay Therapeutics’ 60% Surge and the Alchemy of Biotech Investment

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The SEC filing of November 14 reveals a tale not merely of numbers, but of conviction masquerading as arithmetic. Commodore’s stake swelled to 17 million shares, valued at $88.7 million – a position now constituting 4.3% of their U.S. equity portfolio. One might say they’ve traded the Philosopher’s Stone for a pipette and a supercomputer, seeking not gold but genetic enlightenment.

Bitcoin’s $100K Dream & a Side of Hyperbole 🚀

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Bitcoin’s rebound into a major resistance band has traders dusting off six-figure price targets, with several desks now openly talking about a push toward $100K if spot demand holds. Who needs reality when you can just… checks notes… hold?

Allworth Financial Sells VictoryShares ETF Stake

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The ETF, a vessel for U.S. large- and mid-cap equities with veins of free cash flow, now constitutes but 0.58% of Allworth’s 13F assets-a retreat from its former 1.14% prominence. Such is the rhythm of capital: fluid, fickle, and forever chasing new altars to worship.

MICROSTRATEGY’S BITCOIN DILEMMA: WILL MSCI BAN THE FUTURE?

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MSCI’s proposal, a sly whisper on October 10, threatens to reclassify Bitcoin-heavy titans as “digital asset funds,” barring them from the sacred halls of global indexes. Imagine the chaos: trillions of dollars, the lifeblood of passive investments, forced to flee in a frenzy, not a gradual retreat. JPMorgan, ever the gloomy prophet, forecasts a deluge of $8.8 billion if others follow suit. 💸💸💸