Coinbase CEO’s Hilarious Take on Senate Bill: A Comedy of Errors!

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After painstakingly perusing the Senate Banking draft text for a staggering 48 hours (one can only imagine the mental gymnastics involved), Coinbase has regrettably concluded that it cannot endorse this legislative masterpiece as it stands.

The issues are many, and include:

– A de facto ban on tokenized equities: Because who needs innovation anyway?
– DeFi prohibitions, granting the government unfettered access to your financial… secrets.

VCIT vs. FBND: A Tale of Two Bond ETFs

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VCIT, with its 0.03% expense ratio, is the kind of fund that makes you wonder why anyone would pay 12 times more for a similar product. It’s like choosing a bicycle over a luxury car-both get you to the same place, but one leaves you with more money in your pocket. FBND, meanwhile, offers a slightly higher yield and a smoother ride, though its 0.36% fee feels less like an investment and more like a toll on the highway of financial wisdom.

Bitcoin’s Wild Ride: $95K and Counting 🚀💰

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The crypto market, a fickle beast, kicked off the third week of this month with the kind of momentum that makes even the most grizzled traders raise an eyebrow. The TOTAL market cap swelled by 4.45%, or roughly $130 billion, in one swift move-enough to make a man forget his troubles, at least for a spell. 🤑

If the Stock Market Crashes in 2026, There’s 1 Vanguard ETF I’ll Be Stocking Up On

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If the worst does happen, and the market decides to take its existential nap, it’s crucial to keep your wits-and your investments-intact. Companies wobbling on shaky legs are destined for the dustbin when the storm hits. Conversely, the ones with grit, gumption, and enough cash reserves tend to rebound faster than you can say “buy low, sell high.” And, in that unlikely event, there’s one ETF from Vanguard I intend to cling to like a life raft-because I’ve learned, after enough missteps and market tantrums, that there’s value in steady, quiet resilience.

Warby Parker Insider’s Sale Signals Caution for Investors

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The volume may sit within Mr. Gilboa’s newly observed pattern, but that presumes we ignore the broader picture. Previous sales have averaged about 85,000 shares-still a significant stake, but this particular sale clears nearly half his direct holdings. It signals not just liquidity but perhaps a subtle signal of his confidence in overextended valuation.

Ripple Grabs EMI License in Luxembourg-Will Europe Finally Get Its Act Together? 🤷

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Ripple, the blockchain company that’s basically the Switzerland of digital money, has just managed to get a green light from Luxembourg’s financial watchdogs. This is a small miracle, considering Luxembourg’s bureaucracy is about as efficient as a leaky sieve. The CSSF (who are clearly the real heroes here) handed Ripple a preliminary EMI license, which means it can now inch closer to full regulatory compliance. Not that anyone asked for it, but hey, progress!

Arm Stock 2025: A Wealth Builder’s Wry Take

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S&P Global Market Intelligence says it all: 11% down, folks. A number that makes you question if you’ve accidentally sold your kidney to a shadowy figure on the internet. And the chart? A Jackson Pollock painting if ever there was one. Up, down, sideways-Arm spent most of the year pretending it wasn’t worried about an AI bubble, which, honestly, is like ignoring the elephant in the room… while the elephant texts you passive-aggressive tweets.