🚀 Altcoin Party: Chiliz & Canton Mooning While You Were Napping! 🌕

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Chiliz spent most of the year trapped in a resistance zone so tight, it made a pair of skinny jeans look like a tent. 🧘‍♂️ Every time it tried to break free, it face-planted harder than a newbie at a yoga class. But lo and behold, the selling pressure got bored and wandered off, leaving CHZ to finally stretch its legs. The price is now hovering around $0.044-$0.045, which is basically the crypto equivalent of winning a participation trophy. 🎉 Trading volume? Up. On-balance volume? Also up. It’s like the coin finally remembered it had a purpose in life. As long as it stays above its old highs, it’s technically still at the party. Technically.

Buffett’s $184B Warning & Market’s 2026 Outlook

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But now, the oracle of Omaha is passing the baton. His retirement at year-end 2025 leaves a void-not just in boardrooms, but in the collective psyche of investors everywhere. And yet, his parting gift? A $184 billion warning. Not a cryptic tweet, not a vague sigh, but a seismic shift in Berkshire’s stock-buying habits. Since Q4 2022, they’ve been net sellers, liquidating stakes even as their cash pile hit $382 billion. Why? Because the stock market, dear reader, is trading like it’s 2000 again-except this time, we’re all holding the tech bros’ old smartphones.

🤑 XRP’s Mysterious Waltz: Ripple’s Hand or Binance’s Shuffle? 🕵️‍♀️

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At the current rate of $1.87 per XRP, this transfer occupies that most awkward of social positions-neither a fortune nor a trifle. It is, as they say, enough to raise eyebrows but not to shatter teacups. The immediate assumption, of course, was that of a sale, for large outbound movements often precede the sort of market tumult that sends investors scurrying like mice at a cat’s approach. Yet, as is so often the case, the tale took a most unexpected turn. 🌀

Universal Technical Institute Stock Surges as Needham Buys In amid Market’s Absurdities

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This stake, a humble 1.2% of Needham’s sprawling empire of assets, whispers of a chess game played in the darkness. The giants of the portfolio-SMCI, TDUP, LASR, PDFS, VRT-stand like gothic gargoyles and angels, guardians of the investment crypt. The shares, priced at $29.38 as of last twilight-up 44.5% in a year-outperforming the S&P 500 by 33.3 percentage points, as if mocking the very idea of average achievement. In a universe where success is often an illusion, UTI’s ascent is a rare anomaly-a soaring specter within the mundane gloom of the market.

🤑 Crypto’s $3B Vanish Act: Fewer Heists, Bigger Hauls! 🎭

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On a Tuesday, no less-the most mundane of days-blockchain security firm SlowMist unveiled its 2025 Blockchain Security & AML Annual Report. Oh, the drama! It seems the crypto industry has been more of a sitting duck than a soaring eagle this year, with security challenges that would make even the most seasoned detective blush. 🕵️♂️

Real Estate Roads Diverged

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Beta measures price volatility relative to the S&P 500; beta is calculated from five-year weekly returns. The 1-yr return represents total return over the trailing 12 months.

Bitcoin’s 2026 Comeback: A Financial Soap Opera 🎭💸

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But wait! Not everyone’s crying into their crypto. Enter Axel Adler, the Sherlock Holmes of crypto, who insists Bitcoin’s just “transitioning,” not tanking. 🕵️♂️ His evidence? The “Supply in Profit” metric – a fancy term for “how many coins are happy campers?” Spoiler: It’s down from 19 million BTC to 13.5 million. Bitcoin’s Supply in Profit went on a diet! 🥗