Palantir’s Q2 fiscal 2025 report reads like a psalm of triumph: revenues surged 48%, U.S. commercial and government contracts blooming like spring crocuses after a long winter. The Rule of 40, that alchemist’s measure of growth and profit, now gleams at 94. A total contract value of $2.3 billion-enough to build cathedrals of code. Yet for all its grandeur, Palantir’s model is a fortress, its walls high and its gates few.
The world is buzzing with news-the first exchange-traded fund (ETF) tied to Dogecoin will launch next week, a moment that could change the tides for the token once considered the digital equivalent of a barnyard laugh. Dogecoin, once born out of mockery and clever memes, has now outpaced the broader market over the past week by a staggering 27%, a number that strikes with the weight of a new reality. Can this token-this ‘meme coin’-really hold its own against Bitcoin and Ethereum, titans of the cryptocurrency world?
Why the excitement? Joby’s stock hopped up after the company announced it would be joining the White House’s eVTOL Integration Pilot Program. Yes, eVTOL – those electric flying contraptions that hover and zoom like something from a child’s dream journal. The White House, under a decree from President Trump, has decided that certain eVTOL crafts, once suitably matured, could begin flying in select markets without the usual bureaucratic red tape of full Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) certification. Oh, the joys of skirting around the regulations that so often bog down the world of aviation. A sweet deal for Joby, no doubt.
The company’s valuation, ever the dramatist, bounded higher following the UK Investment Security Unit’s approval of its acquisition of Oxford Ionics. A bureaucratic hurdle, in the grand scheme, as thrilling as a well-timed pause in a lecture. Yet, for investors, it signals a curtain call for the deal’s completion-though one must wonder if the stage is set for a farce.
The ruling’s terms? A ban on exclusive deals with partners like Apple (a minor inconvenience, like telling a vampire to stop drinking blood). But here’s the kicker: Alphabet must now share some of its search data with rivals. Why should investors care? Because in the realm of AI, data is the new gold. And giving Microsoft a peek at Google’s treasure trove is like handing a ninja a scroll of secrets. Microsoft, that clever fox, already has a stake in OpenAI. Add Google’s data to the mix, and suddenly, Bing isn’t just a search engine-it’s a generational AI prodigy with a caffeine addiction.
Such a phenomenon betrays not only the ironclad faith of institutional gentlemen in Bitcoin as a sort of reserve currency, but equally the adoption of a rather novel, cryptic treasury model amongst these august bodies. Permit me, dear reader, to introduce you to the principal hoarders of these elusive coins.
So, what happened? The Washington Post, no stranger to stirring up a storm, published a juicy little the Trump administration (yes, them again) allegedly planned to connect 25 child fatalities to Covid vaccines. Ah, yes, nothing like throwing in a little children’s drama to spice things up! BioNTech, you see, is the co-creator of Comirnaty, a vaccine that’s supposed to keep us from catching Covid. Its partner in this endeavor? Pfizer-those big pharma folks who could probably buy their own country if they wanted to.
Adobe, in its perpetual pursuit of corporate salvation, reported revenues nearing $6 billion-a remarkable feat, one might say, if not for the fact that it represented a mere 1% increase over the same quarter of 2024. A question hovers, though, above this modest figure: Was it enough? Could it ever have been enough to sate the hunger of a market that craves only exponential, unrelenting growth? And yet, despite this unsatisfying increase, there was, in a lesser, quieter triumph, an 8% rise in adjusted net income, which amounted to nearly $2.3 billion-$5.31 per share. This, of course, was better than the average analyst’s whispered prophecy, which had anticipated a paltry $5.18 per share. But is that truly something to celebrate?
The market’s already betting on interest rate cuts like it’s a Vegas slot machine. 🎰 But thanks to Cook sticking around, the Fed’s independence is safe-for now. Trump’s radical restructuring plans? More like radical *struggling*. 🤡
By the time the sun rose on September 7, those block producers were counting a mere five million dollars in daily network fees-a pitiful echo of the thirteen-point-nine million the day before their wallet got a haircut. Ten days, a 64% nose-dive; that’s what you call a fast fall, like a farmer losing his crops in a sudden frost.
