Musk argues that 80% of Tesla’s future value will come from a humanoid robot named Optimus. Imagine that: a machine that walks and talks, but also makes you a millionaire. He bought 2.57 million shares for about $1 billion. That’s a lot of money. Or as one might say, it’s less than the cost of a Mars colony.
And wouldn’t you know it, Citigroup gets the credit, bless their polished boots.
Transak proudly announces that Metamask users in the U.S. and EU can now snag stablecoins at near-perfect 1:1 rates without the pesky detour to “some other site.” Bank transfers, cards – you name it, just don’t leave your cozy wallet universe. Oh, and keep an eyeball out for Circle’s USDC, Tether’s USDT, plus mUSD staging its debut like a dramatic understudy finally getting the spotlight.
Alright, let’s take a deep breath here. Since Opendoor is basically tethered to the whims of the housing market-where buyers and sellers are just *waiting* for rates to come down-its stock moves in lockstep with any mention of a rate cut. So, if the Fed decides to cut rates by 25 basis points on Wednesday, as expected, well, that could help Opendoor. Or it could not. You know, it’s all speculation. Maybe the housing market will bounce, maybe it won’t. Who knows? Add in the quarterly “dot plot” projections, plus Chairman Powell’s inevitable public lecture on the state of the economy, and you’ve got yourself a stock market reaction. It’s all coming down to one simple thing: rate cuts. And here’s the kicker: in June, the Fed thought there’d be a 50 basis point cut this year. But, surprise, surprise, the labor market’s softened, so maybe that’s off the table now. But let’s just wait and see.
The stock, currently buoyed by 2.1%, wavers like a pawn in a cosmic game of backgammon between Wall Street and the Kremlin. Or perhaps it is the devil himself, penning this column, who chuckles at the spectacle.
Hold onto your hats, ladies and gentlemen, because Amazon’s net income wasn’t just a gentle incline; it rocketed from $13.5 billion in the second quarter of 2024 to a breathtaking $18.2 billion in Q2 2025. It’s as if they discovered an ancient scroll that contained the secrets of speed-in innovation and delivery! If only I had one for my morning coffee!
What? Imperfect? The very notion! One might as well accuse the sun of failing to rise. Yet, among the initiated, this truth is whispered like a forbidden heresy, a secret too glaring to confess. For the devout, Bitcoin is but a vault for the soulless, while the rest of us crave the fire of utility. 🔥
“The grand Trade Meeting in Europe has had a most splendid outcome!” proclaimed the Donald, “It shall reach its grand finale posthaste!” Thus he heralds, as if he were a poet reciting sonnets! 🎭
But just when you think this might be the pinnacle of their success, the next five years might very well continue this trajectory. The magic ingredient? You guessed it: its consumer investment business. Sounds fancy, doesn’t it? Almost like a well-stocked pantry that explodes when Aunt Marge brings her potato salad to family gatherings.
After last week’s CPI shenanigans, traders and investors are clutching their hats for the FOMC interest rate decision. Will it be a bull’s parade or a bear’s picnic? Only time will tell. ⏳
