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This diatribe followed Schiff’s grand announcement-a digital gold standard, wrapped in an app and tied to a blockchain, as if such things could sanctify the profane. “Users shall buy gold, store it in vaults, transfer it like digital confetti, and redeem it with the elegance of a medieval barter,” Schiff proclaimed, his voice trembling with the fervor of a man who believes he has solved the human condition. Yet CZ, that jester of decentralization, scoffed at the notion, for what is a token if not a child’s scribble on a napkin, claiming it’s worth a castle? 🏰

The explosive growth of the artificial intelligence (AI) industry has created a systemic crisis: skyrocketing compute prices and a centralized marketplace for the power required to train new models. As companies race to innovate-with ethical stakes running high amid concerns like AI hallucinations and psychosis-a solution is urgently needed. Oh, how the little guys squirm under the weight of these digital overlords! 🧱🔥

Enter Version 4 (V4), complete with a $50 million token buyback program and an audacious leap into real-world assets (RWA). If this doesn’t scream “We’re here to stay”-I don’t know what does!

The team behind Bunni, in a move that’s about as surprising as finding a sentient robot with a penchant for tea, announced they’re fresh out of galactic credits to keep the ship afloat. 🚀💸

Before wielding crypto like a wizard’s wand, Žák was strumming guitars and driving his neighbors up the wall. Eight hours a day of precision practice, he says, honed the skills that later helped him untangle crypto’s messiest knots.

Carlson, who apparently thinks the Phoenicians were onto something with Gold-never mind that they also thought sacrificing goats was a solid economic policy-declared Bitcoin a potential scam. “It was good enough for the Phoenicians, it’s good enough for me,” he said, presumably while polishing a lump of Gold the size of his ego.

This bold gambit arrives amidst the usual regulatory foot-dragging, proving that even the most staid institutions are now willing to throw their hats-and possibly their dignity-into the crypto ring. ETF filings are multiplying like rabbits at a carrot convention, signaling that Wall Street has finally accepted that crypto isn’t just a fever dream.

This is a daily analysis by CoinDesk analyst and Chartered Market Technician Omkar Godbole.

It has come to light-through the most reliable of sources, naturally-that Bitmine Immersion Technologies, in a fit of extravagance, has acquired some $251 million worth of ETH, adding a rather ostentatious 63,539 tokens to its already overflowing coffers. Their holdings now exceed 3 million ETH, a sum so vast it might make even Mr. Darcy blush. (£13 billion, if one must be vulgar about it.)

Indeed, this meme coin lingers near support, while mysterious ‘institutional flows’ and elevated trading suggest… well, someone is preparing something. Though what, God alone knows. 🤷