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Miami International Holdings (MIAX) has announced the sale of a whopping 90% equity stake in MIAXdx (formerly known as LedgerX, because who doesn’t love a good rebrand? 🎨) to Robinhood Markets and Susquehanna International Group. This deal, set to close in the first quarter of 2026 (or whenever the CFTC stops napping 😴), involves MIAXdx, a Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC)-approved Designated Contract Market (DCM) and Derivatives Clearing Organization (DCO) that specializes in fully collateralized futures, options, and swaps. Fancy, right? 🎩✨

So, the million-dollar question (or should I say, the 0.31-dollar question?): Is this rally the real deal, or just a flashy illusion? The charts, my friends, are not pulling any punches. They’re whispering-no, shouting-“bull trap!” And let’s just say, it’s not the good kind of trap, like the one that catches your neighbor’s cat. 🐱

Crypto literature’s prophet, Adam Livingston, scoffs with a sardonic smile, proclaiming it “incredibly bullish news.” As if Bitcoin’s trembling heart needs yet another injection of speculative frenzy-moving from the “ETF adoption phase” to the shimmering nightmare of derivatives’ domain, where the vertical ascent is only matched by despair. It is a realm where traders dance on the edge of the abyss, speculating on futures they scarcely understand, all while pretending they control the chaos. 🚀

In its typically stodgy manner, S&P bemoaned that Tether’s financial arrangments-while spruced up with mentions of U.S. Treasury bills-boast a more colorful bouquet of assets. Think corporate gumball, secured loans, the odd glittering bauble, and, more critically, a burgeoning bounty of Bitcoin.

And what do our wise analysts say? They’re staring at the TOTAL3-basically, the market sans Bitcoin and stablecoins, because apparently, those are too boring for the big boys. They’re whispering sweet nothings about “capital rotation”-sounds fancy, right?-as if they work on Wall Street’s version of musical chairs.

Ah, dear reader, the launch was modest indeed, a mere whisper amid the roaring crowd of recent crypto fluctuations. The ETF, with its approximately 94,700 shares-a number so precise, it feels like a count of Siberian snowflakes-began trading on the NYSE Arca. Analysts, with their usual zest, had hoped for a different tale, perhaps more akin to a Tsar’s grand entrance, but alas, all was subdued, like a stoic noble watching the peasants dance.

The Personal Data Protection Committee, with all the solemnity of a Victorian matron, issued a directive on Nov. 24, declaring that World had failed to secure proper consent, thereby risking the sensitive iris data collected in exchange for WLD cryptocurrency tokens. 🤡💸 Officials, with a touch of moral superiority, claimed the program targeted the economically vulnerable, offering participation as a mere fig leaf for voluntary engagement. 🤝💔 The Ministry of Digital Economy and Society, ever the cautious chaperone, raised alarms about cross-border data transfers and potential misuse, referring the case to the Department of Special Investigation for further scrutiny. 🕵️‍♂️🔍

Upbit, a South Korean crypto exchange, got robbed AND fame – on the same day they were trying to charm Naver. Coincidence? Pfft. Hackers came for a coffee AND a heist ☕✨.

Double-check the character count for the title. “Upbit’s $36M Solana Hack: Full Reimbursement? 🤷‍♂️” is 63 characters. Good.

Bitcoin, that mercurial charmer, has exhibited a “persistent trend shift,” which is crypto-speak for “I’ve lost all my friends and my wallet is empty.” The analyst waxed poetic about price percentage traveled, volume spikes, and “above-average volatility,” as if he were describing a Shakespearean tragedy. 🎭