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While Bitcoin is busy being a good boy, sitting still and chuckling softly, privacy coins are staging a comeback with all the subtlety of a cat burglar. Zcash (ZEC), that sneaky darling, has strutted back into the top 20 cryptocurrencies, topping $600-an achievement not seen since the days when internet was just a passing fascination-and boasts a staggering $20 billion in futures trades. Yes, billion with a ‘B’. Someone’s stealing the show while the broader crypto herd naps.

The Silent Revolution

Mind you, it’s taken nearly three years to reach this stage, which is about as speedy as a tortoise with a hangover. The crypto exchange, which went belly-up in November 2022, has been a veritable quagmire of financial shenanigans and legal tomfoolery. 🕰️💔

His total Bitcoin investment has ballooned to a staggering $47.54 billion, with an average purchase price of $74,079. As long as BTC stays above this threshold, our fearless Saylor stays afloat-probably floating on a cloud of profit. Currently, the company’s treasure chest is worth a majestic $67.7 billion, a cheerful 42% profit despite Bitcoin’s recent bearish tantrums. Who says bears win every time? 🐻🧙‍♂️

Oh, look, Nanyang Technological University, or, as I call it, the beacon of brilliance NTU Singapore, has decided to buddy up with Zero Gravity (0G). Let’s throw an insane $3.84 million at this collaboration because apparently, AI needs transparency almost as much as I need a good steak. And guess what? This might be the first time a university is having a prom with a blockchain firm.

If you had to sum up bitcoin’s market action since June, “range-bound” and “directionless” might fit the bill. Or, as I like to call it, “the financial equivalent of a toddler spinning in circles.” 🐶

In a feat that would make even the most stoic of showgirls blush, revenue has skyrocketed by an astonishing 87%, reaching a splendid $50.6 million. Oh, darlings, digital assets alone now contribute to this flourish-$43.4 million, to be precise. Yes, Bitcoin’s nearly doubling, and so is the company’s confidence, it seems. 🎩

Like Bitcoin and Ethereum-its flashier cousins-XRP embarked on a jaunt past $2.320, then $2.350, as if late for a very important date. The $2.420 resistance fell like a poorly constructed metaphor, and soon it was breezing past $2.50 with the confidence of a man who’s just faked his way into a VIP section.

Ethereum, ever the drama queen, briefly dipped below $3,250 before remembering that crashing isn’t great for PR. It then staged a comeback, breezing past $3,350 and $3,420 like they were mere speed bumps on its way to glory. Or oblivion. It’s hard to tell with crypto.

In what may be due to inspiration or sheer alacrity, once trumpeted as the sovereign messiahs for tomorrow, central bank digital currencies perch precariously in the twilight, swayed by the magnetism of tokenized deposits and HKD-backed stablecoins at the recent Hong Kong FinTech Week soirée. 🍸