The report informs us that 40-70 million souls now dwell in the web3 realm, a number that grows by 10 million annually. Yet, these are but the timid first steps of a child into a pool, while the true horde of 716 million crypto-owners lurk in the shadows, whispering secrets to their smartphones. One wonders: are they truly users, or merely spectators clutching tokens like talismans? 🔮
Eric Balchunas, that sharp-eyed fellow at Bloomberg, took to the social media ether (X) and called this frantic flurry a “total land rush,” which sounds about right-like a bunch of financial types racing for the last scone at a garden party. Leading the charge are Solana and Bitcoin, with 23 filings each. Ripple’s XRP is hot on their heels at 20, while Ethereum is not exactly trailing far behind with 16. And, in a delightful touch of the absurd, there’s even a couple of filings for a political-themed token-namely, the Official TRUMP meme coin-because what the world needs is more political memes in ETF form.
Ah, the delicate dance of diplomacy! US-China relations, more fragile than a champagne glass at a bullfight, now waltz with Trump’s tariff tantrums 🇺🇸🇨🇳😬. Traders, meanwhile, cling to leverage like a bad habit they can’t quit.
For context, their adjusted EBITDA was $4.3 billion, and they’re sitting on $41.6 billion in cash. So, the $80 million is like finding a $20 bill in your old jeans. Nice, but not life-changing. Unless you’re buying jeans. 👖
Apparently, this cap will make blocks more efficient, reduce the risk of DoS attacks, and lay the groundwork for parallel execution. 🏗️ Because, you know, Ethereum’s been feeling a bit sequential lately and needed a midlife crisis upgrade. 🚗💨
Following a dramatic 91% drop from its September levels, the Pepe coin has rebounded modestly, trading near $0.0000072 as of late October 2025. 📉➡️📈
Now, you’d think a room full of suits and senators would be as dull as a butter knife, but oh no-this shindig turned hotter than a firecracker on the Fourth. Sources, who shall remain as anonymous as a masked bandit, claim the air got thicker than molasses in January. 🤬
In a stunning twist of justice, 45-year-old Armbrust was handed three years’ probation-not for robbing a bank, but for hijacking AWS credentials like a cyber cowboy. 🤠💻 “It’s not a crime if the cloud pays you!” he probably whispered to his mining scripts before 7 a.m. every day.
Cardano’s privacy-focused sidechain Midnight has hit a milestone. Hooray! 🎉 But it seems the crypto market had other plans, turning a potential celebration into an awkward, uncomfortable silence. Seriously, you couldn’t make this up.
In the labyrinth of fluctuating markets, Cardano emerges as a beacon-or so the tale goes. The capitalists, with their gilded wallets, are pouring capital into this blockchain as if it were the last lifeboat on a sinking ship. Mintern, the so-called “Chief Meme Officer” (CMO) of Minswap, proclaims that the average transaction size has ballooned to over $100,000 in the past month. 🧐 Ah, the whales are feasting, and the little fish are left to wonder: are we next on the menu?
