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Canada, having embraced recreational cannabis since 2018, has proven a rather unenthusiastic host. Aurora Cannabis, alas, has found itself adrift in a sea of competition, oversupply, and the ever-watchful gaze of regulators. A familiar story, one might add. The United States, with its considerably larger populace, offers a more promising stage. The recent reclassification of cannabis by President Trump – a move as unexpected as it was potentially lucrative – has ignited a flicker of hope. To reclassify a substance is, after all, to acknowledge its existence, and existence is the first step towards profit.

They haven’t actually, you know, made any money yet. Which, fine. Startups. But the pressure! They’re talking about 2026 like it’s some kind of deadline carved in stone. Like the FAA is just sitting around waiting for Archer to get its act together. The FAA! Those people have standards. And paperwork. Mountains of paperwork. It’s a bureaucracy! You think they’re impressed by a sleek design? They want safety reports. And contingency plans. And probably a blood sacrifice. Okay, maybe not a blood sacrifice, but you get my point.

The question, of course, is whether this payout represents a secure foundation for future returns, or merely a temporary indulgence. A prudent investor, much like a discerning matchmaker, seeks compatibility and long-term prospects, rather than a fleeting attraction.

The problem with memory chips, you see, is that they’re exquisitely sensitive. A slight overestimation of demand by one of the three major players—Micron, Samsung, and SK Hynix—and suddenly you’re awash in surplus, driving prices down faster than you can say “Moore’s Law.” It’s a bit like trying to predict the weather in the English countryside. You think you’ve got a handle on it, and then…torrential rain. Or, worse, sunshine. Unexpected sunshine.

And yet, observe the paradox! This very same enterprise, so lauded for its financial prowess, currently trades at a discount of 43% from its former glory in February of 2021. A most peculiar state of affairs, is it not? One might almost suspect a deliberate attempt to induce a frenzy amongst the investing public, to lure them into a game where the house, as always, holds the winning hand.

The market for cancer diagnostics is, predictably, expanding. Forecasts suggest a substantial increase in demand over the next decade, a statistic that, while impressive, should not be mistaken for a guarantee of profit. The integration of artificial intelligence into imaging technologies offers a marginal improvement in accuracy, but it is the development of targeted diagnostic agents that presents a more compelling, if still speculative, opportunity.

The Seven, in descending order of market capitalization (a measurement of how much everyone thinks something is worth, which is often divorced from actual value, but never mind), are:

Units of Confidence Lost: 7. Hours Spent Staring at Bloomberg: 11. Number of Times I’ve Considered Becoming a Goat Farmer: 3.