Behold! The crypto-friendly fintech giant, with its Q3 earnings per share of 54 cents, missed the mark by a staggering 14%-like trying to hit a target with a blindfold and a spoon! 🎯 Yet, its revenues, though up 2.3%, fell short of expectations, as if the financial gods had a bad day. 🤷♂️
The United Kingdom, in a fit of bureaucratic flair, will unveil a consultation on stablecoins on November 10th. The hope is to finalize by late 2026-just in time to unintentionally mirror the US government’s regulatory quagmire. The number of crypto enthusiasts has skyrocketed from 2.3 million to a staggering 7 million, a 204% leap. One might call it a miracle… or a collective lapse in judgement.
Let’s recap: Western Union, the folks who made “telegraph” a household word in 1861, is now building a dollar-backed stablecoin called USDPT. Because obviously, blockchain and digital wallets are the new telegraph poles. 📜💻
Investors, those fickle creatures, are pirouetting into resilient assets and on-chain RWAs. A touch of selective bullishness, darling-like choosing a vintage wine in a world of vinegar. 🍷
The news sent crypto investors into a frenzy, their hearts racing like they were about to discover the last loaf of bread in a famine. Skeptics, meanwhile, clutched their pearls, muttering about bubbles and the inevitable crash. “A dangerous bubble?” one snorted. “More like a hot-air balloon made of wishes and margin calls.”
Ray Dalio, the mastermind behind Bridgewater Associates and the “Big Debt Cycle” theory, is waving a big red flag 🚩 at anyone popping champagne corks over the Fed’s pivot from QT to QE. His message? Hold your horses-this party might end in tears. 😭🎈
According to reports, the institute is now finalizing the process to liquidate the assets, as if casting pearls before swine-or regulators. Swine, perhaps, but with better PowerPoint slides.
Enter Mr. Darkfost, the top analyst with a penchant for drama, who whispers of a “major shift” beneath the surface. Ah yes, the Great Jellybean Bank of Bitcoin’s open interest-once a glittering tower of confidence-has been reduced to a soggy crumb. Since the infamous “Great Jellybean Splat” on October 10, where $10 billion vanished like magic tricks at a toddler’s birthday party, leverage has been playing hide-and-seek. The 30-day decline? A record-breaking slump worthy of a standing ovation… from the ghost of greed past.
According to their Thursday sermon-er, announcement-the mystical data will start shimmering into view within a couple of weeks. Just type your question like a genius, and behold the shiftings of fate-most of which will be as unpredictable as your grandma’s opinion on TikTok. 🎱
The Securities and Exchange Commission, that arbiter of silent decrees, bore witness to the sale of 2,128,619 CarMax shares by Diamond Hill Capital Management during the quarter. The fund’s position, once a significant portion of its portfolio, now stands diminished, its value reduced by $251.04 million since June 30, 2025. The remaining 4,833,319 shares, valued at $216.87 million at quarter-end, appear as relics of a former order, their worth measured not in purpose but in the cold arithmetic of market forces.
