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Crypto literature’s prophet, Adam Livingston, scoffs with a sardonic smile, proclaiming it “incredibly bullish news.” As if Bitcoin’s trembling heart needs yet another injection of speculative frenzy-moving from the “ETF adoption phase” to the shimmering nightmare of derivatives’ domain, where the vertical ascent is only matched by despair. It is a realm where traders dance on the edge of the abyss, speculating on futures they scarcely understand, all while pretending they control the chaos. 🚀

In its typically stodgy manner, S&P bemoaned that Tether’s financial arrangments-while spruced up with mentions of U.S. Treasury bills-boast a more colorful bouquet of assets. Think corporate gumball, secured loans, the odd glittering bauble, and, more critically, a burgeoning bounty of Bitcoin.

And what do our wise analysts say? They’re staring at the TOTAL3-basically, the market sans Bitcoin and stablecoins, because apparently, those are too boring for the big boys. They’re whispering sweet nothings about “capital rotation”-sounds fancy, right?-as if they work on Wall Street’s version of musical chairs.

Ah, dear reader, the launch was modest indeed, a mere whisper amid the roaring crowd of recent crypto fluctuations. The ETF, with its approximately 94,700 shares-a number so precise, it feels like a count of Siberian snowflakes-began trading on the NYSE Arca. Analysts, with their usual zest, had hoped for a different tale, perhaps more akin to a Tsar’s grand entrance, but alas, all was subdued, like a stoic noble watching the peasants dance.

The Personal Data Protection Committee, with all the solemnity of a Victorian matron, issued a directive on Nov. 24, declaring that World had failed to secure proper consent, thereby risking the sensitive iris data collected in exchange for WLD cryptocurrency tokens. 🤡💸 Officials, with a touch of moral superiority, claimed the program targeted the economically vulnerable, offering participation as a mere fig leaf for voluntary engagement. 🤝💔 The Ministry of Digital Economy and Society, ever the cautious chaperone, raised alarms about cross-border data transfers and potential misuse, referring the case to the Department of Special Investigation for further scrutiny. 🕵️‍♂️🔍

Upbit, a South Korean crypto exchange, got robbed AND fame – on the same day they were trying to charm Naver. Coincidence? Pfft. Hackers came for a coffee AND a heist ☕✨.

Double-check the character count for the title. “Upbit’s $36M Solana Hack: Full Reimbursement? 🤷‍♂️” is 63 characters. Good.

Bitcoin, that mercurial charmer, has exhibited a “persistent trend shift,” which is crypto-speak for “I’ve lost all my friends and my wallet is empty.” The analyst waxed poetic about price percentage traveled, volume spikes, and “above-average volatility,” as if he were describing a Shakespearean tragedy. 🎭

Once upon a time, Dogecoin outpaced its doubts by settling above $0.1420. Alongside its big brothers Bitcoin and Ethereum, DOGE triumphantly leapt above $0.150, like a dog that finally caught the car it was chasing. It even flirted with $0.1550, hitting a high at $0.1565, before wondering if it really wanted to stay there. As it consolidates, it’s hugging the Fibonacci retracement like a cat hugging a random kitchen towel, showing resilience-or stubbornness.

Permit me to elucidate, gentle reader, of a most extraordinary situation afoot at the Binance establishment-a cryptocurrency exchange of such vastness it could swallow a nautilus whole. They propose to add 31 trading pairs, like the addition of new characters to a Blandings Castle fête, albeit with coins instead of cows.