French Politicians Declare War on Crypto Wealth – Now With Extra Nuts and Bolts! 🥐💸

Centrist MP Jean-Paul Matteï, the hero with a pencil, trotted out this brilliant idea on October 22, and the beloved National Assembly-yes, the same folks who brought you the French fries and the Eiffel Tower-gave it a thumbs-up, 163-150! It was a close call, folks-closer than your grandma’s bingo night. Now, of course, it’s gotta go through the usual hoops: Senate, budget, more hoop-jumping, and maybe a little French wine. 🍷

Get Ready! XRP ETFs Might Just Be Around the Corner – Is the SEC Shaking Yet?

Meanwhile, Canary Capital, because why not add another filing to their already impressive resume, has updated its S-1 filing for a spot Solana ETF. So, that’s happening. Meanwhile, over at Bitwise, their fourth S‑1 amendment added a tiny 0.34% fee, and-hold your applause-an NYSE listing. Oh, and guess what? Experts are suddenly whispering that XRP might actually be getting closer to its big debut. Let’s call it the “calm before the storm,” shall we? 🌪️

The XRP Saga: Will It Bounce or Just Chill? Find Out! 🚀🤔

XRP is doing its best impersonation of a tightly wound bobblehead-stuck between $2.30 and $2.70. Support’s hanging around $2.30-$2.40, resistance sneering at $2.60-$2.70. Not much happening except a lot of sideways dancing. The weekly charts are whispering “bearish divergence” – basically, the market’s moaning, “Can’t go up, can’t go down, just stuck in limbo.”

Ethereum’s Descent: A Symphony of Sorrow 🚀💸

In a world where optimism is a sin, Ethereum’s price has returned to its natural habitat: the bearish zone. Like Bitcoin’s tragic twin, it now limps below $3,880, clutching Fibonacci retracements like a drowning man clutches driftwood. The 61.8% Fib level, once a beacon, now mocks with its indifference. Even the hourly chart’s rising channel has betrayed it, spilling secrets to short-sellers.

Crypto Kingpin’s Final ‘Trade’: Hanging in Prison, Not Bitcoin 🐀💸

The death of Faruk Fatih Özer, architect of Turkey’s crypto catastrophe, has resurrected the ghost of Thodex-a platform that promised prosperity but delivered a pyramid scheme wrapped in blockchain glitter. Found dangling in Tekirdağ’s high-security prison, his demise is either a tragic end or a convenient exit, depending on whom you ask (and whether they’ve recovered their missing funds). 🕊️

🤑 ETH’s Wild Ride: Will It Sweep or Sleep? 🌪️

Liquidity Heatmap

On the first day of November, Pillows, in a post most sagacious, revealed the secrets of Coinglass’s liquidity heatmap. Behold, the upper band, stretching from $3,900 to $4,200, doth teem with limit orders, as traders lie in wait, ready to sell like merchants at a flea market! 🛍️ This, dear reader, is the resistance zone, a fortress that bulls must breach if they hope to ascend to glory.