Right then. So you’re after a bit of income, are you? A little something to plump up the piggy bank, perhaps? These chaps in suits will tell you about ‘high-yield stocks.’ What they won’t tell you is that a high yield often means a company is a bit…wobbly. Like a jelly left out in the sun. But, alright, let’s poke around at three of them. Realty Income, Enterprise Products Partners, and Verizon. Don’t expect miracles, mind. Just a slightly less dreadful way to watch your money disappear.
1. Realty Income: The Monthly Dividend Machine (or is it?)
They’ve gone and branded themselves ‘The Monthly Dividend Company.’ A bit boastful, if you ask me. As if simply handing money back to you regularly is some sort of grand achievement. Still, they’ve been doing it for over thirty years, so they must be doing something right. Or, more likely, everyone else is doing everything wrong. They own a truly astonishing number of properties – over fifteen thousand! Shops, warehouses, even vineyards, casinos, and these peculiar ‘data centers’ where all your secrets are stored. It’s a vast empire built on other people’s spending habits. And they lease everything out for an average of 8.8 years. Long enough to squeeze a bit of profit, but not long enough to avoid a proper mess when things go sour.
Even the most cautious amongst us might find Realty Income… acceptable. It yields 5.1%. Which is a bit like finding a slightly less mouldy biscuit in a tin full of crumbs.
2. Enterprise Products Partners: Sidestepping the Sticky Stuff
Enterprise Products Partners. Sounds like a villain in a particularly dreadful children’s book, doesn’t it? They deal in oil and gas, which, as anyone with a brain can see, is a bit of a precarious business. Geopolitics, you see. All that fussing and fighting over black goo. But Enterprise isn’t actually in the oil business, not really. They move the stuff around. They’re a toll collector for energy. Which means they get paid no matter what the price of oil does. Clever, in a rather grubby sort of way. They’ve been increasing their payouts for 27 years. Twenty-seven! That’s a lot of fiddling with numbers. And their cash flow covers their payouts by a hefty 1.7 times. Which is reassuring, until you realize it’s all built on a substance the world is desperately trying to wean itself off.
3. Verizon: The Sticky Web of Customer Loyalty
Verizon. The biggest, most boastful telecommunications giant of them all. They’re a bit risky, truth be told. The mobile phone business is a dogfight. Constant upgrades, endless advertising, and customers switching providers faster than you can say ‘data plan.’ But people stick with them. They’re terribly loyal, these mobile phone users. Like flies caught in a particularly sticky web. Which provides Verizon with a steady stream of income, allowing them to fund their extravagant spending and maintain their 5.7% yield. They’ve increased their dividend for 19 years. That’s a lot of promises.
They’ve brought in a new boss, you see. A fresh face to try and boost growth. Which is always a bit of a gamble. New bosses usually mean trouble. But they’ve assured everyone that the dividend is a ‘high priority.’ Which is corporate-speak for ‘we’ll try not to mess it up too badly.’
High Yields and Slightly Less Terrible Businesses
A wobbly company can’t support a high yield for long, you see. It’s simple arithmetic. That’s why you need to dig a little deeper. Realty Income, Enterprise, and Verizon all generate cash. Whether they’ll continue to generate cash is another matter entirely. But for now, they might just provide you with a slightly less dreadful way to watch your money trickle away. They all look like they could set you up for a lifetime of…well, not exactly wealth, but perhaps a slightly less miserable existence.
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2026-03-23 03:12