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According to the latest gossip from crypto.news, our dear Bitcoin (BTC) took a sharp nosedive from its high-flying position of over $89,000 yesterday, plummeting to a dramatic low of $85,427 today. It did manage to regain some composure, however, and is currently sitting pretty at $85,798-still down 4.2% on the day. And let’s not forget, that’s a hefty 9.3% drop from last Thursday’s high and nearly 32% off its year-to-date peak. Quite the rollercoaster! 🎢

With the solemnity of a prophet, Michael Saylor, the company’s architect, declared the latest acquisition, a transaction that swelled their reserves by 10,645 BTC, each token a sapphire of value, costing $92,098, totaling a staggering $980.3 million. 🧠💸

In a joint operation that reads like a poorly scripted crime drama, Spanish and Danish police have nabbed members of a gang accused of kidnapping and murdering a man in Málaga, all for the sake of his precious digital coins. 🕵️‍♂️💰 The arrests were spurred by a complaint from a woman who recounted a harrowing attack in Mijas, Málaga.

Behold the grand saga of Shiba Inu’s valuation-once a mere whisper at $0.0000000001684, now a slightly louder whisper at $0.000008439. Progress, or perhaps just the wind? Its all-time peak, a lofty $0.00008845, now seems as distant as a forgotten dream, with the token languishing some 85% below. This year alone, it has shed 55% of its fur, and over twelve cruel months, nearly 60%. One must wonder: has the tale that once sent SHIB soaring now been relegated to the realm of fireside ghost stories?

On December 14th, while common mortals were busy debating whether samosas should be triangular or conical, India’s financial watchdogs were conducting synchronized raids worthy of a flash mob – if flash mobs involved seizing lockers instead of dancing. The target? A cryptocurrency Ponzi scheme so elaborate it makes the plot of “Inception” look like a children’s pop-up book.

On Dec. 2, 2025, a relic from bitcoin’s youth finally stirred onchain, as 50 BTC mined in March 2010 moved at block height 926087 between wallets for the first time in over 15 years. One might assume that with prices hitting six figures, these coins would at least yawn and stretch. Alas, they preferred the slow life.

The transaction, slated to close in early 2026 (if one can trust the patience of a snail in a race), will see Interop Labs’ staff and IP whisked away, while the Axelar Network, its foundation, and the AXL token remain as independent as a cat refusing to nap in a sunbeam. 🐾