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In a bold post on X (yes, that’s what Twitter’s called now, don’t ask), Hougan dropped this gem: “Buying a crypto asset and sticking it on a balance sheet today? Not exactly hard. Sure, it was once a challenge, but it’s as easy as pie now.” He added, “If that’s all a DAT does, just buy and hold, you might as well just buy into an ETF. Even if the DAT is staking, ETFs do that now too.” Well, well, well… all that talk about “innovative” crypto treasury strategies, huh? 😏

Nope. The indicators are a bit late to the party and continue to show bearish confidence-or should I say bear strength?-sitting around unhappy that the downward trend might even reach $2, or plummet to the depths of $1.61. 📉

Indeed, dear reader! Justin’s public wallets show he now holds $534 million in Ethereum (mostly staked as STETH) and a mere $519 million in TRX. Who would have thought? His own creation seems to be taking a backseat in his portfolio. 😂

On November 4, like a thief in the night, the firm slyly submitted the filing to the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), laying out a trust structure that will hold XRP in the cold embrace of Coinbase Trust, with the CME CF XRP-USD benchmark to set the pricing. The cherry on top? A meager 0.19% sponsor fee, waived for the first $5 billion in assets under management – at least until May 2026. 🍒

Lawmakers, always one step behind (or so they’d like us to think), are now calling for a more modest version of the plan. Some even argue that the digital euro is simply duplicating what the market’s already doing. Meanwhile, the EU’s crypto regulations? Oh, they might accidentally help out the good ol’ U.S. of A. in the process. Can’t make this stuff up, folks.

The rules? Oh, they’re as strict as a Canadian winter. ❄️ Companies issuing stablecoins will have to play by the book: protect users’ money, safeguard personal information, and pass national security checks. Redemption policies will be clearer than a mountain lake, ensuring you can always swap your coins for cold, hard cash. 🏦 According to the budget report, the Bank of Canada will be the ringmaster of this circus, managing the system and handling its funding. They’ll stash away $10 million over two years, starting in 2026-2027, to get the ball rolling. After that, stablecoin issuers will foot the bill with annual fees of about $5 million. 💼

The slide, a tragicomedy of misplaced confidence, marks a new act in Bitcoin’s ongoing correction. Traders, once buoyed by optimism, now squirm like ants under a magnifying glass.

Announced on Tuesday, my dears, this transaction is set to plump up Canaan’s balance sheet like a well-fed goose, reducing its reliance on those tiresome at-the-market (ATM) capital raises. Under the deal, these savvy investors snapped up 63.7 million American depositary shares-Canaan’s Class A stock, no less-at a mere $1.13 each. A registered direct offering, of course. How très chic! 🥂

As reported by U.Today, Ripple has secured a staggering $500 million from Fortress Investment Group, Pantera Capital, Galaxy Digital, and other “major names.” One can only imagine the champagne flowing like a waterfall at their next board meeting. 🥂

This token has crashed the top 100 cryptocurrencies like it’s a party it wasn’t invited to, with its market cap now strutting past $500 million. And it’s doing all this while the rest of the crypto market is sulking in the corner, nursing its wounds. ZKsync, meanwhile, is over here like, “Downturn? I barely know her!” 😎