Ex-Employee Mines Crypto Like a Digital Leprechaun! 😂💻💸

In a stunning twist of justice, 45-year-old Armbrust was handed three years’ probation-not for robbing a bank, but for hijacking AWS credentials like a cyber cowboy. 🤠💻 “It’s not a crime if the cloud pays you!” he probably whispered to his mining scripts before 7 a.m. every day.

🚀 ADA’s Secret Sauce: Whales, Memes, and Moon Dreams! 🌕

In the labyrinth of fluctuating markets, Cardano emerges as a beacon-or so the tale goes. The capitalists, with their gilded wallets, are pouring capital into this blockchain as if it were the last lifeboat on a sinking ship. Mintern, the so-called “Chief Meme Officer” (CMO) of Minswap, proclaims that the average transaction size has ballooned to over $100,000 in the past month. 🧐 Ah, the whales are feasting, and the little fish are left to wonder: are we next on the menu?

🤑 Kraken’s Divine Funding: Gods, Bombs, and Billions! 🚀

The exchange, it seems, is now valued at a staggering $15 billion, a figure that would make even the most stoic Russian landowner blush. And yet, as with all things in this frenzied world of finance, the appetite for more remains insatiable. Fortune, that fickle mistress, initially whispered of this windfall last month, but only now do we learn the names of the benefactors. 🕵️♂️