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Now, I’ve been poking around, and two companies really stand out. They’re not kings in the traditional sense, no crowns or castles, but they are Dividend Kings. Colgate-Palmolive (CL 0.51%) and American States Water (AWR 1.35%) have been raising dividends annually for over 50 years. Fifty years! That’s longer than some of you have been alive, and I’ve seen a lot of years. They’re so consistent, they make a metronome look erratic. Seriously, these are the kind of stocks you can tell your grandkids about. “See, kids? Grandpa didn’t lose it all on Beanie Babies.”

Let’s unpack this, shall we? Not in a forensic accounting sort of way – I leave that to the people who genuinely enjoy spreadsheets – but with a bit of healthy skepticism. Because in the world of finance, a truly miraculous number usually has a footnote attached, and sometimes, a rather large asterisk.

Let us consider, for a moment, the peculiar habits of the modern consumer. They crave novelty, yet cling to the familiar. They demand convenience, but lament the loss of genuine experience. It is a riddle wrapped in a streaming subscription, and both our contenders are attempting to solve it, albeit with varying degrees of finesse.

They speak of an annualized revenue run rate of $1.25 billion in 2025, a figure that swells to a predicted $7 to $9 billion this year. The investors applaud, naturally. They always do. A collective delusion of prosperity, fueled by numbers on a screen. The stock has gained 55% this year. A dizzying ascent. But at what cost? What dark bargain is being struck in the pursuit of such rapid gain?

Constellation Energy, it is said, is a favorite amongst those who seek to profit from this digital upheaval. The notion that nuclear power will fuel the boundless appetite of these new machines has captured the imagination of investors. But let us examine this narrative with a sober gaze. The company’s stock, priced at a multiple of forty-one times its trailing earnings, suggests a faith in future prosperity that is not yet reflected in present reality. Indeed, its net income, far from ascending, has diminished by nearly forty percent in the past year. A curious paradox, this—to pay so dearly for a promise that has yet to materialize.

Until recently, Walmart held the rather dubious honour of being the world’s highest-revenue-generating public company. It’s now been usurped by Amazon, a digital behemoth built on the principles of logistical efficiency and… well, let’s just say they have a very persuasive algorithm.² The title change doesn’t diminish Walmart’s solidity, though. It’s like being replaced as the largest oak in the forest by a particularly fast-growing, genetically-modified poplar. Still a tree, just… different.