The Financial Action Task Force, that ever-watchful sentinel of financial morality, recently released a missive praising T3 FCU’s “real-time” crime-fighting prowess. One imagines suited bureaucrats cheering as digital handcuffs clinked over $300 million in crypto. How thrilling. 🎉
Under the new rules, regulated crypto exchanges are required to verify users through live selfie authentication and geographic location data during the onboarding process. Because nothing says “trust me” like a wobbling chin and a GPS pin. 🌍📸
The sellers, those dastardly fiends, continue to keep our hero’s recovery firmly tethered below a well-defined resistance range, which has now transformed into a fortress more impenetrable than a butler at a family gathering. While the recent rebound suggests that there’s a whisper of demand lurking in the shadows, the technical indicators are waving their arms like frenzied waiters at a posh dinner, indicating that we might need a bit more buying pressure, rather than a hasty leap into the unknown. 🏰
As of now, ETH is lounging around $3,140-up 1% in the past 24 hours but down a smidge over the week. Because, why not? It’s the crypto way. 📉📈
A ledger entry etched in the fragile permanence of Form 4.
As the days drift by, attention shifts to the delicate dance of structure and momentum, pondering which layer-1 darling might burst forth from this price prison first. Why, it could be the breakout that sends us all into a frenzy of euphoric speculation! 🎉
Yet, faint glimmers pierce the gloom: the nascent ascension of UPS at the dawn of 2026, a tentative 9% ascent in merely six days, heralds not resurrection, but perhaps the faintest whisper of a mirage. The stock, after bottoming out just three moons ago, has climbed an uncanny 32%, while analysts-those custodians of narratives-have raised their price targets as if to cast a spell of hope. The dividend, a tantalizing 6.1%, promises a semblance of tangible wealth-a faltering beacon amid the swirling fog of uncertainty-yet even this is but a side show in the grand absurdity of the enterprise.
This is the same price that made King Midas weep.
Geopolitics, dear reader, and a thousand whispers in the market’s corridors: the price stays high, but something fragile giggles behind the curtain-the triple bearish omen that may coax BTC down to around 70,000.
Transaction value based on SEC Form 4-reported price ($9.21); post-transaction value based on the SEC-reported holding and the trade-date close price. (Because, of course, the moment you calculate a number, the market moves, rendering it fiction. But it’s fiction with a decimal point, so we treat it with respect.)