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Klarna, you see, is in the business of making tomorrow’s money available today. A perfectly respectable profession, of course, practiced for centuries by pawnbrokers and, more recently, by credit card companies. Their specialty is “buy now, pay later,” a phrase that sounds suspiciously like a promise to worry about consequences after the shopping spree. They’ve even secured a monopoly with Walmart, a partnership that suggests either great foresight or a shared fondness for risk. Their “Pay in 4” service, splitting purchases into bite-sized, interest-free installments, is particularly ingenious. It’s the financial equivalent of offering a man a fish, then politely requesting he pay for it over four weeks. They’re also branching out, naturally, into all manner of financial services. One suspects they’ll soon be offering loans to finance the purchase of larger, more extravagant illusions.

However, a closer examination reveals a company not in decline, but rather, actively engaged in a series of undertakings which, if successful, promise a substantial return. The last quarter witnessed revenues of $3.45 billion – a respectable increase of twenty-seven per cent – and a surge in orders to 776 million. Though the earnings per share fell somewhat short of expectations, one must remember that such figures are often a consequence of deliberate investment – in the curious devices known as delivery robots, in the infrastructure required to support this novel method of distribution, and, indeed, in the recent acquisition of Deliveroo. To mistake such expenditure for a sign of weakness would be a most grievous error.

It’s an ETF, which is just a fancy way of saying a basket of stocks. They trade like a single stock, which is convenient. The world is obsessed with convenience, as if it will somehow stave off the void. It won’t.

Quantum Computing Inc. (QUBT +3.42%), a particularly ambitious alchemist in this digital gold rush, has decided to take a different tack. While most are building bigger and more complicated spellbooks – sorry, computers – they’re focusing on what they describe as ‘imminent solutions’. In other words, things that might actually generate revenue before the heat death of the universe. They’re peddling quantum semiconductors – thin-film lithium niobate photonic integrated circuits, to be precise – and the software to make the whole contraption whirr and click. Apparently, it’s all very flexible and applicable to high-performance computing, artificial intelligence, and cybersecurity.¹

This, naturally, sent the share price soaring. Five years ago, a handful of pennies, now a proper mountain of money. But recently, things have been a bit… wobbly. Investors, those fussy folk with their noses in the numbers, started getting twitchy. They worried the AI pie might not be as big as everyone thought, and that these AI companies were inflating like overripe balloons. Any little sniffle from the market, any tiny bit of bad news, sent shivers through Nvidia’s share price.

For those unfamiliar with these constructed realities, an ETF – Exchange Traded Fund – is a convenient fiction. A bundle of promises, traded as a single unit, simplifying the complex calculus of individual stock selection. The VUG, specifically, concentrates its energies on companies exhibiting a pronounced tendency toward growth – a restless striving that, like all motion, implies both promise and peril. Its performance over the last decade, as meticulously recorded by the custodians of these numerical labyrinths, is a matter of some interest.

For a considerable stretch after its IPO, Lemonade’s share price performed with the enthusiasm of a sloth contemplating a marathon. From February 2021 to February 2025, it shed a rather alarming 80% of its value. One began to suspect the market had decided that a ‘beloved’ insurance experience was a bit of a niche demand. It’s a funny thing, insurance. People only really think about it when something goes horribly wrong, and then they mostly just want it to work, not necessarily to be…charming.

They focus on small and medium-sized businesses – SMBs, as the analysts call them. Which, frankly, sounds like a disease. But it’s smart. Everyone’s chasing the big fish, leaving the little ones floundering. DigitalOcean offers them, you know, actual service. Not automated menus and hold music. And they’re doing something clever with AI. Not the scary, world-domination kind, but the kind that might actually help a small business, say, sort through invoices. Or, you know, not go bankrupt.