Okay, so everyone’s suddenly an expert on Warren Buffett, right? Like, he just stopped picking stocks, and now suddenly everyone has a better idea. It’s infuriating. The man built a conglomerate, compounded returns at an absurd rate, and now he’s getting the silent treatment because he’s… retired? It’s just… rude. And the fact that people are now suggesting you can build a portfolio with nine different stocks with nine hundred dollars? It’s… it’s just… inefficient. Nine! Who has the bandwidth to track nine different companies? It’s a recipe for disaster, I’m telling you. A disaster.
But, fine. I looked at what Berkshire’s holding. Mostly because I was annoyed that everyone else was. And, okay, some of it makes sense. It’s not like the man is completely clueless. But the fractional shares thing? That’s just… a compromise. A compromise! You’re supposed to be making decisions, not rounding down to the nearest penny. It feels… cheap. Anyway, here’s the breakdown, because apparently, I have nothing better to do.
Amazon
Amazon. Of course. The everything store. It’s everywhere. It’s in your house, it’s tracking your purchases, it’s probably listening to your conversations. And now they want you to invest in it? It’s a monopoly disguised as convenience. But, fine, the AWS cloud thing is… okay. Companies are outsourcing their servers. It’s logical. But the whole thing feels… predatory. They started with books, now they’re running the infrastructure of the internet. It’s unsettling. And the numbers? Fine. Revenue is up. Income is… adequate. It’s just… a lot. Too much. It’s like they’re intentionally trying to overwhelm you with options.
American Express
American Express. Now, this is a little more interesting. Catering to businesses and… affluent consumers. Which basically means people who can afford to complain about everything. And they charge a ridiculous annual fee for the platinum card? $895? Who are these people? It’s obscene. But, okay, it works. They’re leveraging status. It’s… manipulative. And they’re making money off interest payments? That’s… clever, I guess. But it feels… predatory. Like they’re profiting off people’s debt. And Buffett likes it? Figures. He always had a soft spot for the… financially comfortable.
The New York Times Company
Newspapers. Seriously? Buffett, a self-proclaimed “addict”? It’s like admitting you enjoy being miserable. And they sold off their newspapers a few years ago, then bought back into the business? It’s indecisive. It’s… baffling. But, okay, digital subscriptions are up. People are paying to read the news online? It’s a miracle. Or a sign of the apocalypse. I can’t decide. And the advertising revenue is increasing? Fine. But it’s still… newspapers. It’s like investing in a dying breed. It’s… sentimental. And frankly, a little depressing.
Moody’s
Moody’s. The credit rating agency. They decide if companies and governments are trustworthy. It’s a tremendous amount of power. And they’re making money off it? Of course, they are. It’s… cynical. But efficient. And Berkshire owns a significant stake? Figures. Buffett likes things that are… established. And stable. And frankly, a little boring. And the numbers are up? Fine. But it’s still… Moody’s. It’s like investing in… bureaucracy.
The five Japanese trading houses
Five Japanese trading houses. Seriously? This is where Buffett is putting his money now? It’s… inscrutable. Conglomerates within a conglomerate. It’s like a financial nesting doll. They’re involved in everything from energy to healthcare? It’s… overwhelming. And Berkshire owns a significant stake in each of them? It’s… excessive. It’s like he’s trying to diversify into oblivion. And he expects to hold these positions for decades? It’s… optimistic. Or delusional. I’m leaning towards delusional.
Look, the whole thing is just… exhausting. Nine different stocks. Japanese trading houses. It’s too much. It’s all too much. I need a nap. And a very strong cup of coffee. And maybe a new hobby. Something that doesn’t involve analyzing the financial holdings of a retired billionaire. This is ridiculous.
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2026-03-17 18:52