Okay, Starbucks. Forty thousand percent since 1992. Fine. They’ve got locations everywhere. I get it. It’s… a coffee place. A very successful coffee place. But let’s not act like we’re discovering fire here. It’s coffee. And frankly, the whole experience… it’s just needlessly complicated. You walk in, you’re bombarded with options. “Do you want oat milk? Almond milk? Soy milk? Milk milk? What is milk milk anymore?” It’s exhausting. And then they write your name wrong. Always wrong. It’s like they’re doing it on purpose.
And now, everyone’s asking if this is some kind of “set you up for life” stock? Really? They’ve had a rough couple of years, okay? A trailing five-year decline? That’s not exactly a roaring endorsement. I mean, people still go, obviously. But it’s not the same. It used to be… simpler. Now it’s all about the apps and the rewards points and the personalized recommendations. It’s a whole production. I just want a coffee!
They’re trying to fix it, apparently. This CEO, Brian Niccol, has some “Back to Starbucks” plan. It involves “improving staffing” and “simplifying the menu.” Simplify? After all this time? They’re just realizing now that maybe, just maybe, people don’t need seventeen different kinds of frappuccinos? It’s almost insulting.
And he’s saying revenue is up 6%. Four percent in same-store sales. Okay, good. But let’s not pretend that solves everything. It’s like patching a leaky dam with a band-aid. It’s a temporary fix for a fundamental problem: they’ve lost the plot. They’ve turned a perfectly good coffee shop into a… a lifestyle brand. Which, let’s be honest, is just a fancy way of saying they’re charging you extra for the idea of coffee.
Look, they’re a mature business. That’s what they’re saying. No kidding. They’re not going to magically grow at the same rate they did when they were opening a new store on every corner. That’s obvious. But the valuation? Twenty-seven times projected earnings? That’s… aggressive. It’s like they’re expecting a miracle. And frankly, I’m not seeing it.
Analysts think earnings will go from $2.13 to $3.62 by 2028. That’s… fine. But is it enough to justify the price? I don’t think so. It’s just… too much. It’s like paying $50 for a bagel. It’s just not worth it. And the whole thing… it just feels… precarious. Like it’s all built on hype and Instagram posts. It’s exhausting to even think about.
So, is Starbucks going to set you up for life? No. Absolutely not. It’s a coffee shop. A very successful coffee shop. But it’s not a magic money machine. And honestly, right now, it doesn’t even seem like a particularly smart investment. It’s just… a lot. A lot of coffee. A lot of choices. A lot of misspelled names. I need a nap.
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2026-03-17 17:02