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With 3.43% of all ETH in existence, Bitmine is no longer just an investor; they’re the puppet master pulling the strings of the Ethereum network, one block at a time 💪.

As more and more souls venture into the realm of Bitcoin, so too do the predators gather. In this, the year of 2026, selecting a suitable Bitcoin wallet is not merely about features, but about preserving one’s digital wealth. The perils are numerous: insidious malware, cunning phishing schemes, counterfeit wallet applications, and attacks that spring from the very browser one uses! Is there no end to the troubles of modern man? 🤔

CryptoQuant, those fine folks who stare at numbers until they confess secrets, suggest this might be more than just a caffeine-fueled blip. Technical indicators and on-chain data are nodding sagely, like wizards who’ve just predicted the exact moment your toast will pop up.

Since its November nadir, the world’s darling cryptocurrency has ascended, a phoenix from the ashes, with buyers ever ready to catch its every stumble. How quaint, these modern-day knights errant, armed not with swords but with wallets! 🛡️💼

The investment bank, with a flourish of its quill, has petitioned the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) to bless its crypto-linked ETFs. A first, you say? How novel! A major U.S. bank deigning to roll out such plebeian instruments. 🏦

Apparently, Midnight (NIGHT), a blockchain with a penchant for privacy and backed by Cardano’s IOG – or as some call it, the “Wallflowers of Crypto” – decided to give investors a grand performance by plummeting a staggering 83% since its debut on December 9. From a handsome $0.45 down to a measly $0.07, it’s been quite the rollercoaster, or perhaps more like a rickety ride at the county fair – thrilling, but you’re not quite sure you’ll survive.

Indeed, Uganda’s noble communications regulator has, with much bravado, declared its capacity to snuff out the delightful Bitchat application, which-surprisingly to some-gained quite a following in recent days. The country’s political milieu is as tense as a governess at a ball, and the idea of an internet shutdown has everyone clutching their virtual pearls. 💻💣

Matthew Sigel of VanEck, with the solemnity of a man explaining why the sky is falling, suggested these sales might fund Phase 1 of Riot’s Corsicana AI data center. “One winter of BTC sales,” he declared, “equals the entire capex for 112 MW of core/shell build.” A triumph of prioritization-or a cry for help disguised as strategy? Only time will tell, or perhaps only a therapist.