While most altcoins are sulking in the corner with participation trophies, Pi Network’s PI is giving everyone the side-eye. 5% up since Sunday, you say? That’s breaking the rules of the slump like, what, does it not know crypto is in a midlife crisis? 🤷♀️ricks.
The Central Bank of Brazil has, at last, deigned to finalize regulations tackling virtual asset service providers (VASPs) and stablecoin transactions, establishing the rules these entities must follow to operate within its borders. Really, as if they hadn’t enough to worry about.
Kuo Zhang, said to be a president at Alibaba.com, declared to CNBC that tokenized fiat shall “simplify” payments. A bold lie! For who but merchants in 2015 dare to ” унифицировать” (unify) anything? Meanwhile, Agentic Pay-AI’s latest masquerade-shall automate settlements with “smart contracts.” Why, it’s like asking a goat to herd lawyers! Launch date? Who needs one when you’re selling hope in algorithmic coupons?
Behold, Dogecoin (DOGE) whispers of a recovery, having kissed the major support at $0.16, as though it were a long-lost friend. 🥺
The grand total of approximately $245 million flowing into the ETF, coupled with nearly $60 million traded on launch day, was certainly record-breaking-if you’re a historian of insignificant events. It’s barely 1% of XRP’s market value, for those who prefer their investments served with a side of humility. The demand was akin to a whisper in a tornado-hardly enough to sway a titan. As the hype evaporated quicker than a politician’s promise, the price took a nosedive, leaving traders to ponder their life choices. 💸💥
It’s a curious arithmetic-the transaction, weighted at an average of $31.34 per share, a slightly higher whisper than the market close of $30.42-manages to toe the line between pragmatism and sentimental peak. While such sale sizes echo the paltry median of recent trading scores, the question lurks: is Hao merely humming along the financial scale, or orchestrating a more intricate symphony?
As the government shutdown’s ghost haunts Wall Street, the SEC has issued guidance so precise, it makes one wonder if they’ve been binge-watching Mad Men. 🕶️ The agency, now armed with a 20-day effectiveness window (Section 8(a), for those who still read the rulebook), has essentially handed issuers a golden ticket to market. 🎫
🧵BitMine is pleased to announce management and Board appointments:
Today marks Day 43 of my quest to understand hedge fund managers. Units of Cryptocurrency Lost: 0 (for once). Hours Spent Deciphering SEC Filings: 3.7. Number of Times I’ve Compared Investing to Gambling: 12. Let’s begin.