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With a daring flourish, the total crypto market capitalization, as if waking from a deep slumber, rose a meager 0.4% to $3.02 trillion. Yet, the price action across the pivotal digital tokens remained as tight as a well-woven corset. Bitcoin, that elusive rogue, stood at $86,724 at press time, ascending a mere 0.3% over the past 24 hours. Large-cap assets shuffled about, with Solana trudging a modest 0.1% to $122, Monero slipping a mournful 1.1% to $421, while World Liberty Financial pirouetted impressively, rising 3% to $0.1295.

Repsol, a merchant of power and fuel to the world, doth now embark upon a novel course – the adoption of these newfangled “decentralized digital identities.” Verily, ’tis a move spurred by a desire for greater security and ease in its dealings across the globe. One might almost suspect a lack of trust in the old ways! 🙄 This addition, good sirs, doth bestow yet greater strength upon Hedera’s ambitions in the realm of Web3.

Thursday saw Bitcoin trying to burst through a key barrier after a modest 2.9% boost from the opening bell. But like a stubborn kid, it bounced off the $89,000-$90,000 plateau more times than a rubber ball in a playground, only to fall back to $85,145-a two-week low that feels as dramatic as a soap opera. The crypto hero attempted a comeback twice in a day, only to get politely rejected-no entry today, please. Market sage Ted Pillows (yes, that’s his real name) points out that despite the rollercoaster, BTC manages to cling above the $85,000 support, teasing a shot at the $90,000-$92,000 range-if it doesn’t give up first. But, beware-the moment it drops below that support, it could be headed down to revisit November’s lows, around $80,000, braiding its way into history’s repetitive tale. Ted suggests that Bitcoin’s recent antics might just be a rerun of its Q1 2025 drama, hinting at a possible tumble below current lows-because who likes surprises in the market, right? 😂

In a shockingly serious post on X (formerly Twitter, but Elon insists we call it X now), CryptoVizArt.₿ pointed out that Bitcoin “sharks”-those holding between 100 and 1,000 BTC (so, you know, just casual millionaires)-have been stacking coins like they’re preparing for a digital apocalypse.

Lo and behold, the relentless march of consumer crypto platforms continues, trampling niche audiences underfoot like peasants before a tsar’s carriage. Base, that peculiar Ethereum Layer 2 contraption nurtured by Coinbase-yes, the same Coinbase that trades under the cryptic ticker “COIN”-has flung open its digital gates on December 17th. Now, in over 140 nations, one may engage in socializing, trading, payments, and earning, all while questioning life choices. Truly, a modern marvel!

Executing GOOSE-3,” requires approval from Lido DAO token holders.

Adam Back, a cypherpunk extraordinaire and co-founder of Blockstream (basically the Zaphod Beeblebrox of Bitcoin infrastructure), took to X (formerly known as Twitter, but let’s not get into that) to assure everyone that Bitcoin is “quantum ready.” But don’t worry, he says, quantum computers are still “ridiculously early”-like, so early they’re probably still figuring out how to tie their own shoelaces. 👶💻 He predicts no quantum doom for at least a decade, and even if some encryption bits get cracked, Bitcoin’s core security is as solid as the Restaurant at the End of the Universe’s menu. No stolen Bitcoin, no panic, just a lot of unnecessary hand-wringing.

Yet CRV, that melancholic soul, fell 2.63% in this very period. A week? Oh, merely a 9.9% descent into the abyss. How poetic, how utterly Russian 🥟. Even Bitcoin, the tsar of crypto, was humiliated at $90k, rejected like a suitor at a provincial ball.