One analyst, no doubt armed with a monocle and a penchant for melodrama, has declared a critical condition for this miraculous revival. Pray tell, what could it be? A sacrifice to the gods of blockchain? A séance with Satoshi Nakamoto? Alas, it is merely a matter of price movement, how dreadfully mundane. 🧐
November was basically their “hot girl summer,” but in winter. Brr. ❄️ Details below, because who doesn’t love a good crypto gossip?
The new guidance, released just in time for the holidays, lets issuers wave a magic wand (Section 8(a)) and vanish their delays. During the government shutdown, crypto ETFs apparently took a holiday too, but now they’re back, grumpy and ready to cause chaos.
On its debut day, the fund pulled in a jaw-dropping 245 million dollars. That’s more than a toddler’s allowance, but less than a billionaire’s coffee habit. For comparison, BlackRock’s IBIT got 111.7 million, and Bitwise’s BITB hit 237.9 million. Oh, and the ETF didn’t even need a nap. 🤯💸
The Hedera Foundation has revealed a most auspicious event today. The industry’s preeminent tokenized Bitcoin, WBTC, has graced the robust Hedera network. This integration has been achieved thanks to a rather illustrious team, including Hedera Council member BitGo, BiT Global, and the ever-efficient LayerZero. This collaboration opens the doors to a flourishing DeFi ecosystem that finds its home in the ever-expanding Hedera network.
Baidu, the search colossus turned AI pioneer, stands at a crossroads of paradoxes. Its $41.02 billion market cap looms over China’s digital landscape, yet its shares-a 42.85% surge year-to-date-reflect a hunger that outpaces the S&P 500 by nearly 30 points. The company’s dual nature-Baidu Core’s ad-cloud engine and iQIYI’s streaming ambitions-mirrors the duality of modern capitalism: relentless growth versus the weight of human expectation.
According to the cryptic scrolls of the Securities and Exchange Commission, Oaktree initiated a new position in Core Scientific during the third quarter. The fund, in its infinite quest for value, purchased 6.4 million shares, their worth estimated at $114.8 million as of September 30. This addition swelled Oaktree’s collection of 13F reportable positions to 62, each a fragment of a larger, unknowable tapestry.
No clear reason for the chaos? How original. Remember April’s tariff tantrum? This time, the crypto world’s collective meltdown is fueled by whispers that Strategy might be selling BTC. Because obviously, chaos is the only stable currency here. 🙄
The Facts, Darling
Ethereum, the crypto world’s beleaguered knight, parries blows at $3000 with a sword forged from “relatively stable price action.” Its daily chart resembles a drunkard’s waltz-higher lows, yet still dancing in the $3050-3100 trap. A fortress? Perhaps. But the walls are paper-thin, and the enemy (read: $3250) looms with a satchel of sell orders. One wonders if ETH’s “stability” is merely a magician’s sleight of hand. 🧙♂️💸
