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We’re talking 20,000 to 40,000 of these things. Which, to the uninitiated, sounds like a perfectly reasonable number of online accounts. But apparently, not for regular XRP users. It’s like suddenly all the hamsters on the internet decided to open brokerage accounts. Someone’s prepping, testing permissions, the whole shebang. Preparing for… what, exactly? Honestly, who knows. Probably something very important. Or maybe just a really elaborate digital pen pal scheme.

The larger altcoins, those supposed titans of currency, lumber along with all the zest of a Cossack at a slow dance-except for the flamboyant HYPE, AVAX, and ZEC, who seem to have decided to indulge in a little dramatic dumping since yesterday, as though auditioning for a tragedy.

This event marks the first anniversary of Hyperliquid’s storied airdrop, which was touted as one of the most splendid and community-focused token launches ever seen. But alas, the universe, in its infinite jest, has seen fit to have the HYPE token drop by over 23% in the past month, and almost 5% in the past 24 hours, as gleefully reported by CoinMarketCap.

According to the oracle at SoSoValue, these once-dead funds managed to breathe again, pulling in a cool $70.05 million in the last week of November-a date that will go down in history as the week the Titanic paused its descent. Of course, BlackRock’s IBIT-proudly sporting a share value of $51.55-was about as affected as a rock in a river, with net outflows of $137.01 million. But fear not, mere mortals, because it still commands a staggering $62.57 billion in net assets, proving once again that Big Brother is still playing chess while everyone else is busy losing checkers. 🏢🧱

With Yuletide around the bend, it’s time to turn our jolly-yet-jaded jolly eyes to the third coziest coonskin cap in town – XRP. So, I said, “Hey AI buddies, got any fun stories for us about XRP’s dazzling December?! And by fun, I mean explosive cash bonanza or terrifying financial free fall! Choose your adventure!”

And here we thought the only thing sturdier than their Great Firewall was their resolve to squash the digital high-flyers. China is back at it, giving digital coins a new level of “No Entry” after their 2021 ban cameo. It’s like when Bridget Jones tries to attend a yoga retreat – noble but oh-so-challenging.

IBIT’s rapid ascent is nothing short of a marvel-breaking records faster than a squirrel on an espresso shot. In its first year, it raked in over $52 billion in inflows and threw a hefty $245 million back into its coffers-proof that institutional interest is hotter than a samba dance at carnival time, especially with regulatory thumbs-up in the U.S.

ETFs, those shiny new crypto glitter bombs, added a cheeky $35B to the chaos. Institutions are clearly just here for the vibes.

This week, though, the winds shifted. About $70 million trickled back into spot Bitcoin ETFs, like a drought-stricken field getting a sprinkle of rain. Friday was the real hero, with $71 million in net inflows, pushing lifetime totals close to $57.7 billion. Assets are back up to $119.4 billion, which is 6.5% of Bitcoin’s market cap-not bad for a week that started with everyone eyeing the exits. 🏃‍♂️💨