Yes, dear reader, the very fund that had gorged itself on capital inflows like a glutton at a feast found itself fasting. CoinGecko, CoinMarketCap, and their ilk whispered the scandalous numbers: a hemorrhage unseen since the fund’s debut. Imagine the gasps! The clattering of keyboards! The existential dread of analysts who’d mistaken volatility for a permanent lover. 💸
In a proclamation worthy of a modern-day Nostradamus, Alex Svanevik, the Penguin Emperor of Nansen (🐦📊), decrees: Cardano shall tumble from the Pantheon of Top 20 cryptos by 2026. Why? “It’s a ghost chain,” he scoffs, “where users go to vanish, not to trade.” 🤪👻
MoneyHero and Coinbase are throwing a party, and 61% of Singapore’s finance-savvy investors are there, but they’re not there for the discounts-they’re there for the trust. 🏦✨
The crypto market, already nursing hangovers from its recent binges, now trembles like a marionette with a loose string. A crash? Why, of course! What else would one expect when Japan’s fiscal whims clash with Bitcoin’s fragile ego? 💸
So, this guy-Kunal Mehta, 45, California’s very own crypto Casanova-finally said, “Yeah, I did that,” in court. His crime? A multi-state, multi-million-dollar conspiracy that makes Ocean’s Eleven look like a kindergarten heist. According to the feds, this wasn’t just a one-man show-it was a full-blown criminal symphony, complete with hackers, burglars, and probably a guy who brought snacks. 🥨
Oh, what a delightful mess! The crypto crowd is scratching their heads (and possibly their wallets) over Brad Garlinghouse being dragged into a discussion about a new stablecoin contraption that’s backed by-wait for it-another stablecoin. How positively ridiculous! It’s like building a house on top of a house on top of a wobbly Jenga tower. Meanwhile, Ripple’s XRPL waltzes in with its elegant, protocol-level solutions-efficient paths, a built-in DEX, and asset routing smoother than a greased otter. But no, let’s complicate things with layers of centralised nonsense. Bravo, stablecoin architects. Bravo. 👏
This all happened before they even officially launched the platform, which is…a choice. Like building a magnificent castle, then discovering the foundations were made of slightly damp sand. They noticed a ‘small number’ of wallets were feeling a bit light-fingered (or rather, light-cryptofingered) and, in a move that can only be described as digital exasperation, froze them. Threw a metaphorical lock on the door, you might say. 🔒
Dogecoin, that charmingly absurd confection of the internet, is displaying the first tentative signs of recovery. A remarkable event, given its fundamental lack of… well, fundamentality.🧐
Joining forces with Polygon Labs and some random payments firm called Mercuryo, Mastercard is swapping those dreadful hexadecimal codes (aka “the shopping list of blockchain”) for chill, email-style aliases. Finally, crypto can stop making us feel like we’re in a 2001 space odyssey! 🚀
The numbers are tidy: $13.4 million, 3.4% of their U.S. equity assets, a new position that’s now just outside their top five holdings. But here’s the thing about contrarians-they don’t just follow trends; they wait for the moment when the trend is no longer a trend. Baidu, once a mere search engine, is now a cloud-based AI juggernaut, its ERNIE models humming like a well-tuned symphony. I can almost hear the fund managers whispering, “This isn’t the same Baidu we knew. This is the one that’s finally figured out how to be relevant.”
