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According to the Financial Times (that bastion of financial wisdom), U.S. regulators have offered their preliminary cute little stamp of approval to Erebor Bank, founded by Anduril’s Palmer Luckey (the man who makes drones and dreams) and Joe Lonsdale, with some hearty backing from Peter Thiel’s Founders Fund and Haun Ventures. What a cozy little club! Positioned to grace the innovation economy, Erebor will cater to the whims of those engaged in cryptocurrency, the dazzling world of artificial intelligence (AI), defense, and advanced manufacturing. With its full-digital model headquartered in Columbus – ah, Ohio, what a place! – and an additional office in the dazzling land of New York.

James and Anton Peraire-Bueno, aged 29 and 25 respectively-an age at which most are contemplating careers or acquiring some manners-apparently turned their youthful zeal for algorithms into a convoluted scheme. Bloomberg reports they exploited a flaw in Ethereum’s blockchain, a feat both clever and decidedly dubious, to outwit automatic trading bots in what insiders term the “Wild West” of crypto-because why not add a dash of frontier justice to a digital gold rush?

At 4:12 p.m. UTC, the Coinbase Markets account on X (formerly Twitter, lest we forget) announced “The Blue Carpet,” a revamped asset-listing experience. A red carpet, but blue-because why not? According to Coinbase’s blog post, this bundle offers a direct line to the listings team, asset-page customization, referral discounts, and limited Coinbase One subscriptions. All free, they insist, like a utopian dream in a capitalist nightmare. 🌈

A China Merchants Bank subsidiary, that most solemn of institutions, recently embarked upon a most peculiar endeavor: tokenizing its vast money market fund. This Hong Kong-based arm, CMB International Asset Management, chose the BNB Chain, a blockchain as enigmatic as it is ambitious. A sum of $3.8 billion was thus transformed into digital parchment, a testament to the marriage of tradition and the nebulous realm of Web3. One might say it is a step toward the redemption of finance-or its damnation. 🧠💸

Turns out, this little marvel not only accelerates the proving process but also promises to cut hardware costs in half. Yes, dear reader, you heard me right-fifty percent savings! And all while preparing Ethereum for its future feasts of capacity. A bit like giving the old gal a facelift with less fuss and a pocketful of cash. 💁‍♀️

According to a hot-off-the-press report from the Financial Times (published on a Wednesday, no less, the wildest day of the week), Erebor has snatched up a preliminary banking charter. But hold your horses, folks! They still need to jump through several compliance and security hoops before they can officially werk it. That delicate dance could take, oh, forever. Time is just a social construct, right? 😏