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In a move that screams “I’m adulting, but make it crypto,” Gleec has swallowed the Komodo Platform whole for a cool $23.5 million. Yes, you read that right-they bought the brand, the tech, the tokens, and probably the office plants. 🌱 This means Gleec, the licensed financial services provider with a penchant for digital assets, now owns one of crypto’s oldest atomic-swap and cross-chain tech stacks. Because why build it when you can buy it, right? 💸

But wait! That wasn’t all. Mr. Saylor, always the clever fox, decided to sprinkle some extra magic dust. He set up a colossal stash of US dollars – a cool $1.44 billion – just sitting there, ready to fry a big ol’ steak of dividends and pay off debts as smoothly as butter melting on a hot pancake. His plan? To have enough dough for at least a whole year’s worth of singing and dancing payments… and then some! Because why settle for just a year when you can aim for two? 🎯🤑

Liquidity in the altcoin market is vanishing faster than a thief in Ankh-Morpork’s back alleys, as capital flocks to Bitcoin-focused products like moths to a flame (or, more accurately, like wizards to a new spellbook). According to CryptoQuant’s CEO, the altcoin sector is showing all the signs of a structural liquidity hangover-months of declining volume, thinning order books, and a general air of “what just happened?” 🥴

Kang Joon-hyun, a Democratic Party lawmaker, ominously declared that if the bill isn’t delivered on time, “we’ll take a drive through legislation by the secretary of the political affairs committee.” Because nothing says “democratic process” like a midnight drive-thru 🚗💨.

Lo! The odds have ascended to 66% and 74% respectively, as if the very markets themselves have been bewitched by the siren song of digital coin. Mr. Hassett’s credentials include a stint upon Coinbase’s advisory council (a fact whispered in hushed tones at White House soirées) and a seven-figure stake in the exchange, which he presumably keeps locked in a mahogany cabinet labeled “For Emergencies and/or Revolutionizing Finance.” His leadership of the digital asset working group, meanwhile, has rendered him a veritable crypto-celebrity, though one suspects the Federal Reserve’s dowdy old guard might find such enthusiasm vulgar. 🏦✨

Authorities, ever the pedants, clarified that while a stablecoin might mimic the gait of fiat currency, it lacks the royal bloodline to qualify as legal tender. Attempting to spend it on groceries? A high treasonous act against the state’s monetary sovereignty. One might as well try to pay for a Rolls-Royce with Monopoly money.

Colin Talks Crypto, that modern-day Cassandra of the crypto realm, has unveiled his 12-month prophecy. With a flourish of his quill, he declares: a mere 20% chance Bitcoin will soar directly to uncharted peaks. Instead, he foresees a more measured ascent-a climb to the $100,000-$115,000 range, followed by a dramatic interlude. This correction, he muses, could be a brisk 6-8-month retreat or a protracted year-long slumber. Either way, he admonishes, do not mistake the current fervor for the final crescendo. 🎭

Turns out crypto’s still got its fingers in the macroeconomic cookie jar. 🍪 Who knew? Billions wiped out faster than Larry David can complain about a parking spot. 🚗🤷‍♂️