Just last month, a band of sneaky hackers crept in and snatched around 44.5 billion won ($31 million, more than many of us see in a lifetime’s piggy bank) in Solana-based assets. Talk about a “bad day at the office” for Upbit. So, they’re now doing what any sensible dragon would-double-locking, double-hiding, and basically turning their wallets into icy tombs.
The grand total value of all this… stuff… went up 3% to $3.2 trillion. Progress! Bitcoin itself, that granddaddy of digital scarcity, managed a respectable 2.3% gain, reaching the dizzying heights of $92,496. Ethereum, trying to keep up, notched a 6% increase to $3,312. Even Solana got in on the act, clambering 3.9% to $138 – which is good, if you happen to own Solana.
And what’s this? A new preferred-share structure, designed not for the faint-hearted, but for those with a penchant for Bitcoin and a wallet that’s not entirely empty. 🧙♂️
VUG’s cheaper admission-0.04%-is a seduction for the ascetic. Yet its one-year returns, like a dinner invitation from a minor prince, feel paltry compared to VOOG’s slightly gaudier feast. But what is value in a world where a 0.03% edge on fees feels noble, while a dern penny less in yield begets scorn? The market, that fickle court jester, offers no clear verdict.
Despite U.S. spot XRP ETFs creeping ever closer to a $1 billion AUM milestone (wow, that sounds impressive, doesn’t it?), the asset continues to trade in the same narrow range. This leaves everyone wondering-can this prolonged snooze-fest of consolidation possibly be building up to something more? A larger move, perhaps? Or are we just stuck in the crypto equivalent of Groundhog Day? ⏳
Vitalik Buterin, that sage of blockchain sorcery, declared war on Ethereum’s neglected P2P layer-a realm long ignored while consensus and cryptoeconomics danced in the spotlight. “We’ve been chasing ghosts in the machine,” he sighed, “but now, at last, we’ve turned our gaze to the soil beneath the roots.” Developers, he claimed, had polished the shiny trinkets of consensus while the P2P layer rotted like a sun-bleached fence post. But fear not! The tide has turned, and the communication backbone of Ethereum now hums with the vigor of a freshly oiled tractor.
The reality, as most Wall Street stories go, is that they’re doing a delicate dance of ‘buying low, selling slightly less low.’ Sunrun, the darling of the residential solar empire, still constitutes about 5.1% of Maple Rock’s relatively modest portfolio, which is corporate-speak for “We’re hedging our bets, but we’re still betting.” Their other top holdings read like a “Who’s Who of Stocks that Sound Important”: WDC, EQX, STX, TFII-names that promise wealth but rarely deliver it without a lot of hand-wringing and quarterly updates that seem to say, “We’re still trying.”
In a turn of events that you definitely didn’t see coming, Tether and Circle have just secured approvals from Abu Dhabi Global Market (ADGM), the snazzy international financial center (and let’s be honest, tax haven) in Abu Dhabi. Who knew crypto would be playing so nice with the UAE? ✨
Meanwhile, Bernstein, that lively sage of Wall Street, has upgraded its forecasts-like a gambler who just found a lucky charm. They see Bitcoin rising beyond the horizon of 2026 and even beyond to 2033, as if the coin has decided to break free from its four-year cycle prison and grow up into a more mature, all-expanding creature 🤯. Their analysts, perhaps having drunk a bit too much of the digital Kool-Aid, now believe that the crypto rollercoaster is morphing into a steady, everlasting amusement park. Oy, such optimism! 🚀
For those who’ve been following this financial soap opera, the 21Shares XRP ETF has submitted its fifth amendment to its S-1. Fifth, you say? One wonders if they’re aiming for a Guinness World Record. 🏆📝