On October 20, 2025, the SEC’s Form 13-F received a confession: Prentiss Smith had courted Progressive’s equity during its brief sulk. The filing-a parchment of intention-revealed a transaction of particular arithmetic elegance. One might imagine the fund’s quants as Borgesian archivists, cataloging securities in a library of endless decimal expansions.
According to an SEC filing dated Oct. 21, 2025, Mattern Capital exited its entire holding in Union Pacific Corp. (UNP +0.00%), selling all 39,549 shares. The estimated trade size was $9.1 million. The stake previously represented 1.1% of the fund’s assets under management as of the prior filing period ended Sept. 30, 2025. It’s worth noting that Union Pacific’s 2.4% dividend yield, while respectable, may have seemed less appealing next to the gravitational pull of Microsoft’s cash reserves or Apple’s increasingly surreal stock price. (One wonders what kind of dividend checks would arrive from a company that sells “intermodal freight” and calls it a day.)
Apparently, Binance fancied the idea of directly handing over BNB to cancer patients-because nothing screams privacy quite like sharing sensitive medical records with a crypto exchange that’s arguably more opaque than my Aunt Judy’s dating life. This, along with some other “reputational concerns,” made Malta’s government reach for their antacids and say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” 🛑🤷♂️
According to a filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission dated October 7, 2025, Keystone Financial Planning, Inc. increased its position in Chevron by 53,772 shares during the third quarter of 2025. The estimated value of the trade was $8.33 million, based on the period’s average share price. The fund reported a post-trade stake of 78,550 Chevron shares, valued at $12.20 million as of September 30, 2025. A modest increase, one might argue, though not without its charms.
Abacus FCF Advisors, with all the subtlety of a gambling man at the racetrack, added Hilton to its portfolio. With $16.3 million invested in 62,891 shares, they gambled on a stock that has been trailing the market like an old dog behind its pack. This wasn’t a quick play; the third quarter was where the deal was struck, and the SEC filing was promptly disclosed, making sure no one would miss it. The fund’s total positions now number 60, and its assets under management stand at a sum-$752.3 million-that could keep the wolves at bay for a while, though whether it will bear fruit is anyone’s guess.
Behold, the grand asset managers, those high priests of capital, now descend upon the Bitcoin holders with the fervor of missionaries. They preach the gospel of Exchange-Traded Funds (ETFs), a sacred rite of passage where digital wealth is transmuted into the leaden currency of Wall Street. Through the arcane ritual of in-kind transfers, they promise to deliver the unruly Bitcoin into the orderly folds of regulated finance, all without the sin of selling. A miracle, indeed! 🙏
The company is already making moves, partnering with UTXO to secure its first investment. They’ve got a plan to keep stacking BTC like it’s going out of style. But, spoiler alert: the entire sector is shaking under the weight of regulatory issues and stock dilution concerns. In other words, aifinyo might not make it to 10,000 BTC if things go sideways. But hey, it’s just a small risk.
The clock struck, and Abacus FCF Advisors, in the cold light of Monday, disclosed to the Securities and Exchange Commission its decision to sever its ties with DoorDash. The value? A sum of $17.4 million, representing the price of those 70,573 shares, each exchanged at the average closing price during that quarter. It was a tidy sum, indeed, but one wonders, what does this act of liquidation really mean?
The company recently confirmed that they will no longer offer software or security updates, which means your fancy new device is basically being left to fend for itself against the dark corners of the internet. “Compatibility with new software or services cannot be guaranteed,” they said. Translation: good luck with that TikTok update. 🥳
