Buffett’s Baubles: A Skeptic’s Peek

Old Mr. Buffett, you see, has shuffled off to a slightly less bossy chair, but his ghostly fingerprints are still all over Berkshire Hathaway. Young Abel, the new fellow, assures us Buffett still wanders the halls five days a week, probably counting his mountains of money and muttering about sensible shoes. And the stocks? Oh, the stocks are mostly the same ones Buffett picked, because why would anyone dare change a winning recipe for… well, for more money, naturally. Abel says he won’t be doing much fiddling, which is a bit like a gardener deciding not to pull the weeds – things will just… grow, whether you like it or not.

Now, they’re telling you to buy two of these things “hand over fist.” Sounds rather messy, doesn’t it? Like trying to catch eels. I’ve had a look, and I’ll tell you what I think. But be warned, I’m a bit of a grumblepuss when it comes to these financial contraptions.

1. Apple: A Polished Pebble

Apple, that shiny, slippery fruit, is still the biggest lump in Berkshire’s bag, taking up nearly a quarter of everything. Odd, isn’t it? They used to have even more Apple, but they sold some off. Like a child deciding they have too many sweets, then immediately wanting more. They claim it’s all about “artificial intelligence,” a phrase that makes me suspect someone is trying to sell you a robot that can’t tie its shoelaces.

Everyone’s been fussing about Apple being slow with this “AI” business, while other companies are throwing money at it like confetti. But Apple, clever things, haven’t been rushing. They’ve been watching, probably sipping tea and chuckling at all the frantic spending. It’s a bit like a tortoise watching a hare race – who do you think will win in the long run? They’ve now partnered with Google, hooking up their “Gemini” brain to Siri, which is a bit like giving a parrot a philosophy degree.

And the iPhone 17? Apparently, it’s selling like hotcakes. Though I suspect most people buy a new one just because the old one feels a bit… sad. They’re promising deeper AI integration, which means more things to go wrong, naturally. Still, it’s a reasonably safe pebble, if you’re determined to collect them.

2. Chevron: Black Gold and Sticky Fingers

Now, Chevron. Ah, Chevron. Oil. The black, gooey stuff that keeps the world spinning and certain people very, very rich. With all the rumblings in the Middle East, the price has shot up, and Chevron is doing a little jig. Their stock is up, and they’re practically rubbing their hands together.

Nobody, of course, can predict what will happen in that part of the world. It could all blow over in a week, and the oil price will tumble. But even if it does, someone will always need oil, especially to power all these newfangled “AI” machines. It’s a bit like feeding a greedy monster – you have to keep providing it with snacks.

Chevron has been managing things quite nicely, thank you very much. They have a strong balance sheet and haven’t borrowed too much money. They’ve also bought another company called Hess, which is like a wolf swallowing a sheep. And they’re pumping out a lot of oil in Texas, a place where everything is bigger, including the oil wells.

They’re even planning to boost production in Venezuela, a place with a rather complicated history. It’s like trying to build a sandcastle on a stormy beach. And they’re giving money back to shareholders, which is always a good thing, as long as you don’t spend it all on nonsense. They’ve been doing it for years, a rather impressive streak, though I suspect they’ll keep doing it as long as the money keeps flowing.

So there you have it. Two stocks, carefully polished and presented. Whether they’re worth your money is another matter entirely. I remain, as always, a bit of a grumblepuss. Remember, even the shiniest pebbles can be slippery, and the sweetest apples can have worms.

2026-03-11 19:55

1. Apple: A Polished Pebble

2. Chevron: Black Gold and Sticky Fingers

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